Saturday, September 29, 2007

Missing persons

It is with great sadness that I come before you all to tell you I have had to send two of my adopted actors back to the actors orphanage. I knew I was taking on a full load by writing this blog and adopting four actresses as well but I honestly thought I could handle it.

It turns out I made a mistake, I could not handle all that estrogen and all the gynergy (hat tip to my friend Todd for coining the word "gynergy" so many years ago) that was flowing around here was too much for me to handle. So I had to let two of my actors go.

Cloris, while a super duper woman and actress, a fine vegetarian, and a great mother and grandmother, had quite the drinking problem. She was constantly drinking up our beer and wine and then demanding more. It got so bad that she was downing kegs and terrorizing the neighborhood kids, so off she went. She's in rehab and off my side bar, thank goodness! Remember to "take it easy" "one day at a time" Cloris!

The lovely bosomy Scot Ms. Ashely Jensen was next to go. She insisted on wearing dresses that allowed her boobs to pop out at the drop of a hat and when I began to spend all my time tossing all my hats to the ground when she was around, it became clear that I was not going to get much done. So I sent Ms. Jensen back to the actor's orphanage.
I'm sticking with my first adoptee Archie Panjabi and to keep her company I'm also keeping the feisty and pint sized Scottish lass Shirley Henderson. I'll be able to keep spreading the word about these two fine ladies more often now that I don't have to worry about boobs popping out at in appropriate times and a drunken 70 something yr old woman on the loose.


Barbara Bruederlin said...

As hard as it must have been, this was a wise decision. Sometimes you just have to practice a little tough love. Don't worry, they'll be fine; they come from a good home.

mark hoback said...

People just don't understand what a full time job adoption can be.

Splotchy said...

Oh man, I am at a complete loss how to handle this on the adoption roster.

Still, this will be excellent ammunition for my iSplotchy's bid for the presidency.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Barb-Thanks for understanding.

Mark-You got that right.

Splotchy-How dare you plan to use my personal life for campaign fodder!

dguzman said...

Wow, that's rough. But you gotta nip these problems in the bud. Good luck with your new one.

SamuraiFrog said...

Well, if Ashley Jensen is looking for a new home, the Martians have given me quite the palatial estate as new PM...