President Bush Breaks Down the College Top Twenty (Part one)

Hello? Shecky? Are ya there big boy? I need to place a pre-season bet. Come on man, pick up that dang phone...

Oh shit. I didn't see ya'll standing there. Hang on lemme finish this call and I'll be right with ya. So anyway Gorbychev, you best git all them warheads pointed somewheres else or we'll invade Roose-sha next!

Ha! I told his ass off din't I?

Man, are ya'll excited or what? It's in the air, kin ya smell it? Haw haw, no I ain't talkin' about that fart I gist cut. Nah, I'm talkin' about college football is about to start. I love football. I used to be a cheerleader at my old college, see even back then I was too much of a Nancy to do even ritualized combat. Hee hee hee. But that don't mean I don't love footballs all the same. I love it, I do. I love it almost as much as I love my hot daughter and the one who ain't Jenna too! But hell me and Jenna and Pickles we love tailgaitin'! All that drinkin', eatin, jokin', and playin' grab ass, and thass all before Pickles even makes it to the party!

Anyhow, they talked me inta breakin' down the college top 20 fer ya, so here we goes!

1. USC-Ya'll know what theys mascot is? Hee, hee, hee, it's a trojan! That's right theys the USC Fightin' Rubbers! Now that that Bush kid is gone I don't think theys got much of a chance. Theys gonna have a hard time winning the PAC Ten. Oh wait a sec, I was thinking of the Big Ten, hell me and Jenna could win the Pac Ten. This season should be a cake walk for the Tusslin' Condoms.

2. LSU-I ain't saying much about the LSU Katrinas. Most of them blacks down there is still mad at me fer how I screwed them over after that big ass rain storm.

3. Florida-Jebbie is Governor of Florida! Yay Jebbie! Yay Panama City! Yay homoerotic motorcycle riding in Key West!

4. Texas-Don't yall mess with Texas this year. I'm from Texas and I gots a real Longhorn ladies, if ya see what I'm sayin.' Hell don't take my word for it, ask Jenna. My boys from Texas should win it all this year, in fact I know they will because I'm outlawin' anyone from beatin' 'em this year. Beat Texas and your ass goes to Gitmo. 'Nuff said!

5. Michigan- Ain't this the state with the hot MILF governor?

Hells yeah it is! Woo hoo, look at her. She's a fine piece of woman. Too bad she's a Canuckian. Man oh man, look at that sign behind her. "Tulip Time," heh, heh, heh, I know where I'd like to plant some two lips, right on her Canuckian booty!

6. West Virginia-Ya'll are kiddin' me on this one right? They play big time pro college football in West Virginia? Really? No shit? Oh well. Hey, my favorite record company is in West Virginia. It's called Resistance Records, ya'll ever hear of them? I loves me some head bangin' white supremacist music. I surely do.

7. Wisconsin-I got one word to say about the Badgers, theys good boys and they is all

8. Oklahoma-The Sooner this team giddy's up and loses to Texas the better! Seriously, I like all them bingo casinos out there but them peoples on this team must be Commies because they uses red uniforms.

9. Virginia Tech-This team should be number one with a bullet! Haw, haw, haw. Thass a lil joke. Theys probably all still cowerin' after that Chinky boy shot at them last spring so they I'm bettin' they ain't gonna be worth a dang this year.

10. Ohio State-I love Ohio. Well, actually I love them rigged voting machines and good old GOP poll watchers in Ohio. I couldn't give a shit about the Ohio State Fuckeyes. Man if it hadn't been for all them Republican hacks supressin' the vote ol' John Kerry would be doin' this break down thingy instead of me.

Thass all I got for now people. I'm tired and I need to go lie down now. What's that Momma?

Yes Momma, I'm going fer mah nap now. I'll do the other ten later. Ok. ok Momma. No need to come in and force me, I'm goin'. Awww heck Momma, you ruin everything fer me!

Aww shoot, I'm sorry Momma. You know I didn't mean it. Come on sugar, lets me, you and Jenna go have a lie down now. Mah Viagra kicked in.