Splotchy, I'm sorry

Splotchy of I, Splotchy fame and the man behind the 'Adopt an Actor' phenomenon has been writing about his gay side lately and I have been teasing him about it, perhaps a bit too much. I left him an untoward comment on his latest 'Road Warrior The Musical' post and I got to feeling bad about it. I think I was a bit of a dick, and so I want to apologize to Splotchy and to reveal that yes, your beloved Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein has a bit of a gay side as well.

I do love the ABBA, perhaps a bit too much if you believe what my girlfriend might tell you.

And I do have that man crush on Keith.

But what really pushes me into gay territory is my love for this show:

I am a man whore for this show. I love it beyond all reason. In fact I am hardcore Jonesing for it to come back on.

My love for Project Runway began in it's first season. One cold as hell day after my heart attack I was home and my old dial up connection was giving me fits. Disgusted with it I turned off the computer that afternoon and I turned on the TV. It happened to be on Bravo and I saw this crazy show about these whack job fashion designers making clothes for skinny as hell models and then I saw Heidi Klum and I was hooked. As one who has more than appreciated Heidi's many Victoria's Secret photos, I would have watched anything she was in but this show was somehow hypnotic to me. I dug it right off. I loved watching these people design clothes from scratch and then make them and seeing them on the models. I loved the catty judging at the end of the show and I loved the suspense of who was going to get the boot. Now, you need to understand I have never been into fashion for a split second and I could have cared less about haute couture before, but there I was hooked like a big mouth bass on a gleaming gold hook.

I kept my love for this new found show quiet. I watched the afternoon repeat the following week and I said nothing to my girlfriend. Then one night we were flipping channels and I said offhandedly, "Let's watch Bravo." I turned it over there and a new episode of PR was starting. She said, "What's this?"

"It's a new reality show. They got all these designers together and they make clothes and then one gets voted off at the end of the show. And the eventual winner gets a fashion design contract."

She was less than enthused. "You actually know this show?"

"I watched it a time or two in the afternoon." I was getting a little pissed because all our talking was drowning out the show.

She rolled her eyes and said, "I can't believe that's what you do when I'm at work. Watch fashion shows."

"You might like it if you be quiet and watch it."

She glared at me but she got the hint. By the end of the second commercial break she was hooked too.

We watched the end of season one and we cheered when Jay McCarroll won.

We went into kind of a withdrawal when it finished because we had been so into it. But as quick as a wink season two was upon us. When it started I had nothing to fear and I got into it way too much.

Some designs from season two of PR.

We watched the show religiously. She was into it like I was but being me I'd shout things at the TV as the show went on. Things like, "I can't believe she chose that color of fabric!" and "No he did not put an Empire waist on that dress!" and "How last year is that design?" The one that got my girlfriend really worried was, "I swear I will claw his eyes out if he makes that model go out there looking like that!"

During season two I was drawn to the charms of the eventual winner Chloe Dao, for two obvious reasons:

Her smarts and her talent! What did you think I meant you pervs.

But I also rooted for Greek Nick and I was devastated when he got voted off. I had bet the house on him to win it all. Thank goodness I had bet my girlfriend and not a bookie.

Greek Nick.

We had another post PR letdown after season two but thankfully season three began pretty quick after season two died. By then both of us were hardcore and my girlfriend even converted a woman who worked in her office.

We both cheered for Michael Knight but by the end it was obvious that he would not win it. He ran out of steam.

Michael Knight

Along the way in season three I rooted for and had a bit of the hots for this gal, her name is Laura Somethingoranother, and don't be a smart ass and put her last name in the comments because if I fucking wanted to put her last name in this post then I would have looked it up, I do know how to fucking use the Google after all, but by the end of the season I got sick of her. All her dresses looked the same and she tried to get one of the finalists kicked off the show. She became dead to me then, DEAD I tell ya!

Thank goodness they are filming a season four even as I type this and it should run sometime in the fall or early winter. I'm hoping they run all three older seasons as a run up to the fourth to get us all hopped up about it. If that sounds gay, then so what? I fucking love this show, so there ya go Splotchy, there's my gay side. I hope you're happy that you made me write about it you bastard, I hope you're happy now!