Interview with Tommy Thompson

I apologize for being lax in finishing up my interviews with the Republican Presidential candidates, but I do have a campaign of my own to run you know. And I've been quite busy doing rain dances to entice moisture out of the sky.

I'm back on track now that it has rained for a couple of days here, so now I present my interview with former Wisconsin Gov. Tommy Thompson. All his answers are real quotes from someone named Tommy Thompson or they are a variety of cheese. Enjoy!

Dr. Monkey: You seem to like kissing and hugging other men and fondling phallic looking things. I think you may be a closeted gay Republican like Ted Haggard. You have a problem sir...
Gov. Thompson: The problem keeps getting worse.
Dr. Monkey: Please go on, and tell us what kind of man you like.

Gov. Thompson: Gouda.

Dr. Monkey: Gouda? Oh I get it, you like a Gouda man. Funny. Or stupid, depending on the way one looks at it. Would you get married to a Gouda man if the law allowed it?

Gov. Thompson: If anybody asked me I'd say yes.

Dr. Monkey: Interesting. You say you'd marry a man if the law allowed it but you also said once in a debate...

Gov. Thompson: We have a real serious problem facing us in America. It's nothing to get real worried about, just be careful. If you are out, make sure you put some mosquito repellent on...

Dr. Monkey: No, not that. I meant that thing you said about gays in the workplace.

Gov. Thompson: We do not believe sexual preference should be given special legal protection or standing in law.

Dr. Monkey: Yep. That's it. Is there anyone who gets special legal protection or standing in the law?

Gov. Thompson: Venezuelan Beaver, Cougar Gold, Havarti.

Dr. Monkey: You don't come across too well in the debates. Is that going to be a problem?

Gov. Thompson: My partner and I aren't worried.

Dr. Monkey: Your partner?

Gov. Thompson: Saint Agur Bleu.

Dr. Monkey: Let's lighten things up, show me your best Hulk imitation.

Dr. Monkey: Not bad. Lets talk about Bruce Banner though, should he get state sponsored health care?

Gov. Thompson: If he's been exposed yes, if not, no.

Dr. Monkey: Yes, he's been exposed. I like the green Hulk but I hear you like the grey one. What is your favorite shade of grey?

Gov. Thompson: Tyrolean grey.

Dr. Monkey: Jess Wundrun is from your state and there is talk of making a cheese that celebrates and encapsulates her essence. What would you say to that?

Gov. Thompson: The time to stop using these products is now.

Dr. Monkey: But they have not actually made that cheese yet. They are just considering it. Do you think it's a good idea for businesses to make and market a Jess Wundrun cheese?

Gov. Thompson: What I'm hearing from some businesses is they are being impacted negatively...

Dr. Monkey: You have no clue what I mean do you?

Gov. Thompson: It's crucial we have a full understanding.

Dr. Monkey: We can't do that though because you are an idiot and a tool of corporate America.

Gov. Thompson: Corporate America is like everybody...

Dr. Monkey: Okay, that's it. Get out. Good grief he's a dolt. I'm glad I only got one more of these to go.

This interview was brought to you in part by the Wisconsin Cheese Board.