Becca interviews me

The wildly talented and smokin' hot Becca of No Smoking in the Skull Cave, which was one of the blogs that inspired me to start blogging, agreed to interview me. So once again dear readers, get ready to learn more about moi than you had known before.

1. What kind of monkey are you exactly? …and did you know The Quran, the holy book of Muslims mentions that people who broke the Sabbath were turned into monkeys as a punishment?

I am one of the few remaining breed of human/monkey hybrids that the CIA invented back in the early 1960's. We were bred to fight and spy for the USA in the jungles of Southeast Asia. As it turned out our human features began to dwarf our simian features and most of us were caught and killed by the locals or by stoned US GI's. I however made it out alive due to my intelligence and my burning desire to smote the bastards who gave the okay to the CIA agents who created me in their labs in Viet Nam. We few remaining humonks, as we are known as in the halls of CIA HQ at Langley, can be thought of as the counterparts to the fictional character of Jason Bourne.

I did not have any idea the Quran said that about monkeys. Apparently there must have been quite a lot of folks who broke the Sabbath. Perhaps they knew more than the others did or they knew better than to keep it and become sheep.

2. As a writer who are your biggest influences and whom do you think are the most interesting writers working today?

My biggest writing influences were Kurt Vonnegut, Jim Thompson, Elmore Leonard, Tom Robbins, Stan Lee, and Jack Kirby. I know my list looks sexist and it is. I have to admit I shunned most female writers for years, I am now making up for it though. I'm trying to evolve, so get off my already red monkey ass.

The most interesting writers who are writing today are my fellow bloggers. I read blog posts by people on my blog roll all the time that are so well written, touching, thought provoking, political, and funny that I am constantly amazed and astounded. If I never read anything but these people's blogs for the rest of my life I would be better off than people who read nothing but "serious" fiction and non fiction. My fez is off to all of you bloggers on my blog roll, you amuse, inspire, and engage me everyday.

3. What is a Crunky bar actually made of?

It's best of I just show you. They start with this,

then they add this,

then they toss in quite a bit of these,
and finally they add a dash of this.
It all works surprisingly well together. Perhaps now you can see why Crunky is not sold in the United States.

4. What are your 5 favorite TV shows of all time and why?

Excellent question, you must have sensed that I watch too damn much TV. Anyway here is my list:

1) I must cheat a little and lump some shows into one so that I can truly answer your question honestly. Having said that one of my favorites then would be my favorite Britcoms. And those are all the various Blackadder series (they were so well written and acted and they were not just broad humor either, they contained acidly etched social commentary if you look close enough), Father Ted (as a former Catholic this show is screamingly funny to me and it's timeless as well as funny, great acting, great comedy, great guest stars, especially Graham Norton as the happiest priest in all of Ireland), and The Vicar of Dibley (a timeless sitcom that started out as a fish out of water show but turned into a gentle comedy that mocked and celebrated country/rural life).

2) The Simpsons. It remains the funniest, most well written, most subversive show on TV today. It's one of the few shows I will watch on the wretched Fox network.

3) The Daily Show. It's the perfect antidote to the idiotic corporate media news shows. It manages to walk the line between funny and outrage like no other.

4) Sportscenter. In a world dominated by stupid politicians, asshole-ish celebrities, and bad news, this show gives me some mindless sports info and the best clips of the day. I especially love this show during football season, both college and pro, the Major League post season, and right before and right after the golf "majors." Hosts of this show I have loved most are Keith Olbermann, Dan Patrick, and Linda Cohn, she of the 12 toes.

5) I'm reaching way back for my last one but since it is currently running on American Life Network on Sunday nights I can get away with it, Hill Street Blues. It set the stage for all other great prime time dramas to come after it. It was well written, well acted, and well filmed. It launched many an actor's career and it was a landmark series.

5. If you had the chance to build the perfect woman…ala Frankenstein…which parts from which women would you use.

I regret that I can not answer this question, due to circumstances beyond my control

Thanks Becca for a fun interview!!

If any of you want to me to interview you, leave a comment stating something to that effect in the comments.