Yes, but...

My fellow Americans, I come before you now to address the groundswell movement to draft me into the Presidential race of 2008.

First of all let me tell you that I am flattered that the clarion call has gone out for me to take the reigns over after we have all endured the long national nightmare known as the Bush years. I have met with my team of advisers, which consist of the following people, the cable guy, the nice Indian guy who runs the Citgo where I buy gas and Powerball tickets, my friend Todd, my girlfriend, the framed Eurythmics album cover I have hanging in my office, the late Frank Zappa, Ina Garten, Tony Kubek, Tony Kornheiser, Toni Basil, Toni Braxton, and Tea Leoni, and I have come to the following decision: I will indeed run for President if and only if my first choice of candidates, Dennis Kucinich, does not get the Democratic Party nomination. If the party I have long been a member of does not nominate Rep. Kucinich then I will split from them and run on the Monkey Party ticket. I will of course name Mr. Kucinich my running mate since he and I are so closely aligned on the issues.

So let the word go out, if Dennis is not nominated then it's


I do meet all requirements for the job. I was born in the USA, I am over the age of 35, I have a pulse, and I have an excellent grasp of the English language, both written and spoken. That right there shows you I am more qualified than the idiot who currently occupies the White House.


In order to garner support from the progressive blogosphere I am taking the unusual step of naming my cabinet now. I feel that by doing this now then the people who help shape so many opinions and influence so many will be ready to blog away on my behalf and use their blog powers for good instead of wasting them on someone like Hillary or Chris Dodd.

So without further adieu I present my picks for my cabinet along with some picks for cabinet level posts:


Sec. of Agriculture-D Cup of Politits
Sec. of Commerce-Romius T. of The Self Help Center and other various blogs
Sec. of Defense-Cap'n Dyke
Sec. of Education Johnny Yen
Sec. of Energy-Splotchy of I, Splotchy
Sec. of Health and Human Services-Blue Gal
Sec. of Homeland Security-Manila Ryce
Sec. of Housing and Urban Development-Lisa from Lemon Gloria
Sec. of the Interior-Station Agent of Ice Station Tango fame
Attorney General-Pam from Musings of a Working Mom
Sec. of Labor-Commander Otherwhirled
Sec. of State-Quaker Agitator
Sec. of Transportation and Ugly Tour Bus Photoblogging-Princess Sparkle Pony
Sec. of Treasury-Sorghum Crow
Sec. of Veterans Affairs-Major Brass
National Endowment of the Arts CEO-Matty Boy of Lots of 'Splainin' to do fame
Head of the Office of Management and Budget-Tengrain from Mock Paper Scissors
Head of the EPA-Not Soccer Mom
Chief US Trade Rep-Liberal Avenger
Drug Czar-Meg of You Look Really Great, You Look Really Sexy fame
United Nations Representative-Suzie Q and her team of Justice bloggers
Head of NASA and NOAA-Dr. Zaius
CIA Chief-Delilah Boyd
FBI Chief-Davezilla
National Security Advisor- Oliver Willis
Smithsonian Head and Sec. of Pop Culture-Samurai Frog
Ambassador to the Western Europe-Becca from No Smoking in the Skull Cave
Ambassador to Eastern Europe and Russia-Fran from FranIAm
Ambassador to Asia-the guy who writes Death Wore a Feathered Mullet
Ambassador to the Middle East-Jess Wundrun
Ambassador to the other Americas (Central and South)-Blueberry from Texas Oasis
Ambassador to the countries of Oceania-Jack from Jack's Non Blog
Ambassador to Canada and every other country not covered above-The Aristocrats (minus Blue Gal of course)
White House Chiefs of Staff-Angry Ballerina and Evil Spock

Once elected we will have much work to do. We will have to weed out the partisan hacks installed by the Bush junta, get our troops out of Iraq, Afghanistan, Korea, Japan, and Europe, reign in the multi national corporations, implement universal health care for all, and restore our country's image abroad.

I will leave the daily duties of running the country to my various Cabinet members and to the Vice President. I shall immediately head abroad to help heal the wounds that the idiot Bush has inflicted. I will in all probability be spending much of my administration doing this and I shall begin in the Virgin Islands, then Bermuda and Jamaica, and then it's off to New Zealand and Tahiti. Fear not I will not rest until I have made sure that every tropical and exotic island nation is back in our corner. It will be a tough job but I assure you I am up for the challenge.

So if you want things done right for a change and if you want your country back and led by competent people and if Dennis doesn't get the nomination,
then I want you to vote Monkerstein in 2008!