Ladies and gentlemen, coming to you live on videotape from Monkey Muck HQ, Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein.

Good evening. My fellow Americans, after witnessing the oddly macabre performance of Bob Kerry on the Bill Moyers show tonight I have decided to come to speak to you about how we can end the war on Iraq and Afghanistan.

Mr. Kerry wrote a piece in the Wall Street Journal recently that pretty much supported the Idiot in Chief Bush's disastrous war. Mr. Kerry went on to invoke the bogeyman of international jihadists and the need for us to combat them.

Mr. Kerry is entitled to his opinions, as are all Americans and all people in general, no matter how wrong or pig headed he may be. He acknowledged that the war is the number one issue in his home state of Nebraska and maybe even in the country. Yet his support of the junta who run the White House would keep us in Iraq forever and we feel that Mr. Kerry offered no solutions for ending the war and establishing true peace. That is where we step in.

America, we now will layout the plan to end the war:

• We quickly replace the US armed forces with UN Peacekeeping troops and an army whose members are drawn from Muslim nations, notably our so called partners in the war on terror, Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, Egypt, and Jordan. It makes sense that the budding democracy in Iraq be watched over by troops from neighboring countries whose soldiers share more with the Iraqis and Afghans than our soldiers do.
• We bring our soldiers home.
• We boot out Blackwater, Halliburton, and other companies that are engaging in rebuilding work that should be being done by Iraqi and Afghan citizens.
• The USA will maintain only a watchdog presence over the rebuilding of Iraq and Afghanistan and those US watchdogs will be watched by a bipartisan group selected by the UN.
• In order to end terrorism once and for all in the Middle East we stop supporting regimes in the Middle East that oppress their citizens and that are propped up by big oil companies. That means all aid to countries such as Saudi Arabia, Jordan, Egypt, Pakistan, and others to be named later as needed will be cut off unless they embrace democracy fully, end censorship, stop torturing dissidents, grant full and equal rights to women, and boot out multi national oil corporations.
• We will stop allowing Israel to run rough shod over Palestinians.
• A new homeland for the Palestinians will be established on Israeli and Jordanian land. Borders will be secured and policed by a tough UN force.
• Any state sponsorship of terrorism, including any sponsored by the US and her European allies, will be severely punished militarily, politically, and economically.

America, if you are through fucking around with that Idiot Bush and the Dark One, and if you are sick of the never ending warwithoutendAmen, then get behind my plan and let's end the war, end terrorism, and end injustice now. After we end the things I just mentioned, then we tackle the corporate stranglehold on our government and on our daily lives.

When we get all that done and I accept my Nobel Prize, then I will be able to sayWe'll be working on that Nobel Prize acceptance speech while we wait on your response America.