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Thanks everyone, it's totally awesome to be here. Ya'll know I am fresh off my highly successful "Proving That Creationism is Real Due to the Design of the Banana" tour and my roles in the blockbuster "Left Behind" series, copies of which can be bought in the museum gift shop. Just to make sure you remember what to look for, because we throw an awful lot of creationism at you here in the museum and because I need the money since my career is in the toilet, I'll show what the DVDs look like:
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Well anyway enough about that. Lets get on with the tour! Now as all of your good Christians know Noah took two of every animal on the Ark. But what the Darwin lovers do not tell you is that he also took the dinosaurs on the ark.
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You bet Kirk, the Democrats, the secular humanists, the transvestites, the Jews, they don't want you to know who else Noah brought with him on the ark. Like for instance did you know Lassie was on the ark?
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And Wookies too.
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And the Wild Things from that Sendak book that I refuse to let my children read because it's not Jesus approved. Who else was on the ark Kirk?
Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots. Heck the kids had to have toys on that ol' ship didn't they?
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Nancy Reagan was on the ark.
And guess what?
So was her husband Ronald Reagan.
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I already said she was on there Patty. How about you take a Percocet and relax babe.
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Space aliens were on there also.
Cave men too.
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I know just how that goes Kirk. I didn't get the part as Cameron Diaz's little sister in that movie I auditioned for because I love Jesus too much. It's discrimination.
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Phyllis Schlafly was on the ark too. Or was she on the Mayflower? I can't remember, but you know what I do remember? I remember how awesome this place is and how much I love Jesus.
Ya'll know what? Maybe if we brainwash and lie to enough people we can close down that evolution museum down the street. And then the sign we put up over there last night will stay up forever.
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I know it's what Jesus wants. Hey where's everyone going? Come back here, we're not done yet! Come back here! Patty do something!!!
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Oh God no, Jesus will smite us all for looking at your nay nays. Maybe the world isn't ready for this place after all.
1 comment:
did you see the live debate on ABC between Kirk And pastor nutjob and the "Atheist Leaugue of Sper rational heroes with big tits?"
Very funny. I have a link on my blog somewhere let me know if you want to see it!
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