Pop-servations

• Hey did you know there are people who actually want to see Rebbecca Gayheart have sex? Me, I'd rather pour acid in my eyes and jab at my brain with an ice pick than watch that bug eyed murdering Kentucky redneck twit do most anything. I'll file her sex tape next to Paris Hilton's in the 'Things I'd watch only if someone shoved a shotgun up my ass and made me watch it' file.
  
• Jeremy Piven says he hasn't eaten fish in 11 months and he feels great. Funny, I haven't seen a Jeremy Piven project in the same amount of time and I feel the same way.
  
• John Travolta's and other 'A' list movie stars films are tanking at the box office. Hmmm, could it be because they all make crap movies today? If it's not a remake, based on a comic book, or a video game then 'A' list 'stars' don't want to be in it. It's no wonder people are staying away from that shit in droves. I'd rather watch paint dry than sit through a shitty remake of a good movie, and I'm looking at you Pelham 1,2,3.
  
• Yo, people who get tattoos on your neck, once gravity really kicks in and your neck starts to sag, your now 'cool' tattoo is going to look like it's just a blob of ink. Or worse, it's going to look like you threw up and it all dribbled down your chin.
  
• And ladies, one day that tramp stamp of yours that proclaims how 'Juicy' your ass is, is going to migrate south and it's going to look like you don't know how to wipe your ass.
  
• Robert Zemeckis is going to remake Yellow Submarine using motion capture 3-D. Good idea Bob. Maybe one day if you remake all the shitty movies in the world in motion capture 3-D then people might actually see one of them.
• Thank goodness Project Runway is back.
  
• I'm glad Rick Bayless won Top Chef Masters. All three finalists were great chefs but week after week Bayless made the food that I most wanted to eat.
• That Hasselback hag goes on maternity leave from The View and they get two conservative women, Megan McCain and E.D. "Terrorist Fist Pound" Hill, to fill in for her. Wow, way to stay liberal you big media outlets!
  

More pop-servations

• How much you want to bet that Michael Douglas's kid does no hard time for his drug bust? I've got $20 bucks that says he walks free. Now if he were the child of Denzel Washington or Cedric the Entertainer, then he'd fry.
  
• Speaking of Michael Douglas, I'm sorry but I can't think of Catherine Zeta Jones as sexy anymore because she bumps uglies with him. If she's into gettin' it on with dudes who are old enough to be her grandfather then that's cool with me, but don't try to sell me on her being a sex symbol anymore.
• It's official, I don't give care what Brad and Angelina do anymore.
  
• That hissing sound you hear is the sound of the last bit of air going out of Paula Abdul's career now that she's been kicked off America's Got Singers I Couldn't Give a Shit About. Maybe now she'll hook up with MC Skat Cat and live the life she was damned to lead in the first place.
  
• Note to Jon Stewart, it's not so amusing to watch you crack yourself up night after night so knock it off, it's making me hate your show.
  
• Does anyone know if Hulk Hogan and Billy Ray Cyrus are still dating their daughters?
  
• Millions of teens found out the other night what millions of older Americans already knew. They found out that celebrity asswipe Dane Cook is not funny. Now if only someone will tell them that Adam Sandler is not funny then they might grow up well adjusted and almost normal.
• Speaking of asswipes, Jeremy Piven has a new movie out soon. I'm planning to give it the same amount of attention that I give to his HBO show Entourage, which is to say I'll be avoiding it like the plague.

That's all for now but I'm sure I'll have more pop culture observations later so check back often!

Some pop-servations

Pop-servations is my new word for observations about pop culture. I'll be posting a list of them when I see fit. Here's some of my current pop-servations:

• How soon will Katherine Heigel start slagging the people who wrote, produced, and directed her lastest piece of shit 'romantic' comedy? Why they keep casting that ungrateful twit in anything is beyond me.
  
• When will that insufferable ass Ashton Kutcher make a play for Bruce Willis's new wife?
• Mischa Barton is the latest starlet to go off the deep end. Boo hoo. Hey Mischa, maybe you should ease up on the meth and booze. Seriously, that Lohan girl and Amy Winehouse are not suitable role models. Trust me hon, you don't want to end up in a double wide in Bakersfield looking like this:
• Please stop whining about all the stuff they left out of the new Harry Potter film. If they put everything in they'd have to make three or four movies out of every book. And you know what? If you hated the new one all that much because they left out so much, don't go see the next ones.
  
• Yo, Gordon Ramsay, are you that fucking hard up for cash that you had to make another installment of Hell's Kitchen for FOX? Dude, do us all a favor and stick to making shows for the BBC, having multiple affairs, and running your restaurants.
• Speaking of the BBC, BBC America can you please run more Brit-coms and less Top Gear, Torchwood and shows with Andrew Lloyd Webber?
  
• There are 8 or 9 religious channels on my local cable system and each one of them makes me hate religion more and more each day. If there was a god then she's smite all those channels off my TV and she's let me win the Powerball jackpot this Saturday night.
• Note to Lou Dobbs: go sell your anti immigration bullshit and your Obama birth certificate craziness on FOX.
  
• If you people really loved me you'd buy me all three series of The Mighty Boosh on DVD.