Things I'm thankful for

Tom Delay was found guilty of money laundering. I'm thankful for that.

Unless he proves me wrong...

Until he proves me wrong, I'm saying that former Congressman and future felon Tom Delay is an unrepentant pedophile who knowingly broke Texas law so he could get sent to prison so that he could enjoy anal intercourse with his fellow white power buddies away from the prying accusatory eyes of his wife and children.He could try to prove me wrong but it's going to take a mountain of evidence and lots of cash to make me think otherwise.

An open letter to Tom Delay

Dear Tom,

I read online parts of that New Yorker article on the implosion your political party. I liked it to so much I went out and bought a copy of the very same magazine. I told myself I wanted to have it so I could read the story by David Sedaris, the article about Paul McCartney, and the one by Gunter Grass where he writes about his days in the SS. But what I really wanted to do was to read all of the article about you and Rove and Newt.

Man, you guys are something. Your sniping and backbiting prove that the old adage that victory has many mothers but defeat is an orphan is true. I loved how all of you blame one another for your party's defeat in 2006 and how all of you have different ideas on how to win back the Congress in 2008.

But to be honest Tom, what I really loved was how you said that your adultery was not as bad as Newt's. See Tom, I may be an atheist now, and please inform your pal Chuck Norris that I said that will you please?, but I still remember all those commandments from my years of church going. So I had to laugh when you said your transgression wasn't as bad as Newt's because I know god damned well that your Bible says all adultery is bad, period. You knew you were doing wrong when you boned that other woman while you were still married and just because you asked Jesus to forgive you, that does not make it right. Your still an adulterer in the eyes of your god and you always will be, just like Newt, and Henry Hyde, and John McCain, and Rudy 9/11 are.

Congrats on the whole getting messages from your god thing too Tom. It's really a coup for you. Although to be honest I'm surprised you shut that fat yap of yours long enough for him to tell you he wants you to rebuild the Republican Party. Just asking here Tom, but did he say anything about the Democrats? Should they rebuild as well? Or does he hate them or something?

Oh, shit, man, I forgot to tell you that god spoke to me as well. She said that I should write blog posts that let people know how full of shit you are and how you really don't speak for her or her Mexican son Jesus. She wanted me to remind you about that whole rich person/camel through the eye of a needle thingy too. And she said that I could feel free to post pictures that make you look ridiculous as well and that I could write smart ass snarky captions under them too. Turns out that the whole god talking to people thing is pretty common Tom, so there you go.

Anyhoo, here's a picture of you I found on the internets just a few minutes ago:

Do not feed him or he will follow you home.

And here's another:

Only Tom's hair does not like Georgie's farts.

You hang in there now Tom and I'll be watching for that trial of yours that's coming up and I think you know who I'll be rooting for. Yep. For the prosecutor. I have to root for him Tom, god told me to.

Sincerely,
Dr. Monkerstein

Oh no HE didn't!!! HE did not say that!!!

Holy crap, here we go again. That idiot Tom "The Hammer" Delay has said that Jeebus's daddy talked directly to him. From the post over at Raw Story:

Former Majority Leader Tom DeLay, who resigned under indictment on campaign finance-related charges in Texas, also has grown dissatisfied with the president's stewardship of the conservative movement. DeLay told Goldberg that in coming years, when he is not fighting the Texas indictment, he plans to build a conservative grass-roots movement to rival MoveOn.org, insisting that divine inspiration brought him to that quest.

"God has spoken to me," DeLay said. "I listen to God, and what I've heard is that I'm supposed to devote myself to rebuilding the conservative base of the Republican party, and I think we shouldn't be underestimated."

Ok, first things first. The operative passage from the above quote is "when he is not fighting the Texas indictment." Did Jeebus's Daddy tell him to break the law back when he broke it?

Secondly, does God only speak to indicted or idiot Republicans?

Thirdly, was it also Jeebus's Daddy who told him to stop the legislation that was going to help the sweat shop slaves in the Marianas Islands? Did Jeebus's Daddy tell him to gut the social welfare programs that FDR and LBJ started? Did Jeebus's Pappy whisper in his ear that he should let the Bush junta run rough shod over our civil liberties and our Constitution?

If it is true that the Pater O' Jeebus said all that shit to DeLay, then it makes me even gladder that I am an atheist. What kind of sick deity would favor the Republicans over the Democrats? What kind god is it who hates the Afghans and Iraqis so much that he got Bush elected President? What kind of fucking god is it that talks directly to one of the most corrupt politicians in this country and tells him to rebuild a wing of a terrorist political party that does nothing but sow hatred and intolerance?

Why it's enough to make one think that our so called "leaders" are actually insane asses.

But on the off chance that there really is a God, then we'd love for him to shut his fat yap.