A Canadian Cruz surrogate on the campaign trail

Why are you voting for Ted Cruz?

"Because I want a man who's going to take shit away from Americans.  We have too much shit like affordable insurance and work place safety regulations.  He'll get rid of a lot of that when he's elected."

"Because I totally want to and I'm not a Canadian mole or any thing.  Say, where can I get some good poutine around here?  Any ideas, eh?"

"I want to go back to glory days of the '80's. The 1680's!"

"My husband told me I had to."

"Jesus.  The answer is always Jesus, no matter what the question."

"Because I don't want someone like that preppy left wing gaywad Rick Santorum getting elected."

"I must be really fucking drunk because I thought I just heard you tell me that a Canadian Cuban was running for president."  

Canadian politicians are stupid

• Canadian Ted Cruz says the net neutrality is Obamacare for the internet.  I'm pretty sure he doesn't understand what net neutrality means and that if Obama publicly said he opposed stabbing babies and then fucking the life out of them Cruz would say that Jesus commands us to stab babies and then fuck the life out of their bodies.
• Prime Minister Stephen Harper's political party has ordered scientists associated with the government not to publicly disclose the facts about the rate the ice is melting.  He's going to win the fight against climate change by not letting pesky facts out.  When the ice melts and the Atlantic conveyor shuts down, not one god damn conservative voting Canadian or politician should be allowed to escape to the USA.