Hi kids! Rand Paul here, I'm a board certified doctor of something, never you mind that the board is made up of me, my wife, and some toothless homeless guy who gives me blowjobs for not calling the cops on him for vagrancy. So you can be sure I know science, not like that smarty pants Dr. Fauci.
Ready for some fun science for conservatives? Here we go!
Hook up a wire to a battery and use that wire to give a girl an electric shock. When she complains, tell her girls aren't fit to be scientists and that she is a crybaby femi-Nazi.
Poop in a liberal tree huggers tent when you go camping. See how long it takes for flies to gather and then if they ask you who pooped in their tent, blame the liberal media.
Push someone you don't know in front of a moving car. See what happens. If a policeman catches them in time or stops the car, tell the policeman that blue lives matter and that Negro hippies want to kill him and rape his wife.
Go to a beach when it is really hot. Deny global warming is a
thing. Watch out for Jewish space lasers though, Dr. Fauci controls them and he hates anybody who denies climate change is a Chinese hoax.
If you see a girl doing science remind her that Jesus gave men dominion over women and you take credit for any scientific breakthrough she made.
Nurse rabid animals so you can let them loose in a gay Communist party Boy Scout meeting. Don't get bit by the animal or you might get rabies and start voting for Democrats.
Stick a magnet in water and see how long it takes for the water to rust the magnet. Leave it to rust and then go to a pro Trump insurrection rally and call everyone not there a traitor.
Learn how to obtain horse semen so you can mix it in cakes and things to feed Black Lives Matter rioters. Watch them and giggle as they eat horse jizz. Then wait to see how they react after you tell them that ate horse sperm.
That's all for now kids, I've got to go make sure no one but big business gets government money. Have fun and keep on doing conservative science.
