Gee, thanks

So we're supposed to be grateful that President Obummer didn't let them defund Planned Parenthood. Big fuckin' whoop.

While he may momentarily grown a spine and stiffened it in order to save Planned Parenthood from the chopping block, he's still agreed to cuts that he didn't need to agree to in an effort to get the radical right to like him. He's like the needy kid on the playground who will do anything he can to get others to play with him.

And he's already signaled that he's willing to accept cuts in Medicaid and Medicare. So, honestly, fuck him. And fuck you if you think he's on the side of working people, of poor people, of progressives and liberals. He didn't put up a fight on extending the Bush tax cuts which cost us about $150 million a year in revenue (I could be wrong on that figure, they're probably costing us much more than that), and he gave up more ground on social programs and Pell grants. So yeah, fuck him.

And fuck him on the ongoing torture of Bradley Manning, who by the way has not been tried and convicted of anything, not in a civil court, not in a military court. Yo, Obummer, where's the return of our civil liberties that you promised?

Just so I don't end this post on a sour note, here's a free chair for you:
All you have to do is pick it up. And possibly disinfect it.

He thinks it's a joke

Holy crap, if this story off of Think Progress does not illustrate just why our Chickenhawk in Chief is out of his mind then I don't know what does. In fact, it also illustrates how people like him fear intelligent people and he is, quite honestly, like most Americans. We've had an anti intellectual bias in this country for over a hundred years.


Him and his cabal of bloodthirsty greedy jackals have always tried to make themselves look stupid while they run roughshod over us and take our country in the exact opposite direction that we wanted it to go in the first place. Most Americans want our troops out of Iraq and Afghanistan but the man with a C average in school defies us and he keeps them in harms way so his pals in the oil business can plunder the Iraq's natural resources. Everything he has touched has turned to shit, I'd say maybe he should let Condi run things for a bit but she's shown us her true colors over and over again. I remind you of her comment that no one could have foreseen that people would hijack airplanes and fly them into the Twin Towers and that no one could have predicted that Hamas would win the Palestinian elections. You know what Condi? I predicted the last one, hell anyone could have seen that coming, when people are allowed to hold free elections they usually vote out the bastards who sold them out and who tried to keep them in chains. Condi, I refer you to the Congressional elections of 2006.

Maybe you and your boss, that failed businessman who loves to kill and plunder, should stop trying to make bad jokes and instead you and he should start governing this country in the interests of all the people, not just the rich white ones.

Summer party season is in full swing!

And Condi is guest of honor at a party with a train motif!

The Odd Squad

They were three "diplomats" from different backgrounds out to clean up the international streets. They tried to kick international ass but it all went wrong. They made it worse, not better, for America worldwide and now they're coming to TV this fall. ABC is proud to present a King George the Worst production of a Neo-Con Disaster filmed live on tape in a foreign country not near you. Tune in for The Odd Squad Sunday nights after that insipidly stupid and cloyingly dumb home makeover show. The Odd Squad will be brought to you each week with limited commercial breaks thanks to our sponsors Halliburton, Blackwater USA, and Amway. Tune in or we'll find out about it and we'll invade your house and damn well make you watch.

A few reminders

A few gentle reminders are in order this afternoon. Honestly, I wasn't going to say anything but some of you people have forced me to speak out so here goes:

1. Hey, you assholes in the BMW, the Toyota pick up, the Chevy SUV, and the Nissan Altima, I'd like to remind you that the speed limit from the 381 junction all the way past Ingle's Supermarket is 30 miles an hour. No matter how much you ride my ass, flip me off, or scowl at me when you fly past me I will not speed up past 35 mph.
2. Hey Ingle's Supermarket produce people, I'd like to remind to stop piling the crushed ice on top of the herbs. It does not make them last longer, in fact it makes them go bad quicker.
3. Hey Congress men and women, I'd like to remind you that Bush and Cheney have not been impeached yet. Could you all get on that please?
4. Hey Colin Powell, I'd like to remind that it was your ass who helped get this war started and now you say you think Gitmo should be closed? Sorry but anything you say now is automatically going to be thought of as a lie.
5. Hey film and television industry, how about letting Archie Panjabi head line a film or TV show for once. How hard could it be after all, I mean you do let Steven Segal and Bruce Willis headline films, so why not someone with talent for a change?

I expect all of you people to remember those reminders and to get started on doing better.

It's Bat Shit Crazy Time

Holy crap it's only June 10th and already the heat is turning people into bat shit crazy idiots.

Let's take a look at the first casualties of the summer heat:

This crazy bastard wants us to not only stay in Iraq forever, now he wants us to widen the war to include Iran as well. But, seriously, it's okay for him to call for more war because his ass is not going to go fight it. His bat shit crazy ass will be sitting in air conditioned Senate offices or in his posh Connecticut home all summer. Although we all know that he should be sitting in a padded cell wearing a straight jacket if he thinks we are gonna let his Bush lovin', Democratic Party leavin', war mongerin' ass drag us into a war with Iran. If anyone who voted to re-elect this prick to the US Senate is reading this, then do the rest of us a favor and take your phone off the hook and go swallow some Draino.


This nutty old coot, David Broder of the Washington Post, says that the whole Libby trial was a sideshow that was put on to snare Karl Rove and to entrap Republicans. Remember kids, he also said we should all stop whining, suck it up, and just support the President in every thing he says or does. Holy God, after hearing him say all that is there anyone out there who still believes that what we have in this country is a liberal media? Honestly, it's about time for someone to not just pick out a nursing home for this old fart but to dump his ass there as well.

Hey, is there anyone out there with a guilty conscience over what they did and said to get us into the warwithoutendAmen?

Anybody?

Anyone?

Oh okay. Only you Colin? You're the only one who will admit to being wrong? Well it's too late General Assface. No matter how much you grovel now, now matter how much you say you want to restore our credibility abroad, no matter how much you claim to support the rule of law now, we'll never forgive you for going to the UN and lying your ass off, for getting us into a warwithoutendAmen, for your treachery. You got blood all over your hands and Harry Belafonte was right when he called you Bush's 'house negro.' You are a disgrace to the uniformed men and women of this nation, and so are all your old buddies who are in charge of the current war.

And finally, let's see what our bat shit crazy Idiot in Chief is up to abroad:

"Momma! You made it after all! I luv you momma."

All this craziness this early in the summer is almost enough to make a monkey toss in his fez and hop on a ship headed for New Zealand. Be thankful I've only got the cash to go the grocery store and not to the ends of the earth America, or I'd be gone so quick your heads would spin.

I will...

...claw a bitch's eyes out if they be talkin' smack about my man George. Try me 'n' see if I don't.

Heroes and others

The news that Michael Vick, he's the quarterback for the NFL Atlanta Falcons for those of you who do not know, is involved in dog fighting got us to thinking about heroes and assholes.

When we were a small monkey (if that turn of phrase doesn't make our old English teachers tear their hair out then we are not sure what will, but screw them anyway since this is our blog and not theirs) we were taught to idolize people who made a difference. Now since we also loved baseball and those were some of the glory days in Detroit Tigers history, 1968 through 1973, so we also idolized one of the team members. Most white kids idolized Al Kaline, and believe me he was damn good, he's a Hall of Famer after all, but our hero was a black guy with a little pot belly who played left field by the name of Willie Horton. He could do it all in our opinion, he could slug the hell out of the ball, he could field well, and he was gracious in his dealings with the media and with fans. He seemed to us to be a stand up guy.

We stopped being a huge Tigers fan when they traded Willie and when we moved from Michigan to Virginia but our love for Willie only grew through out the years. We found out many years later that during the first nights of the race riots in Detroit in 1967, which we lived through, so that means yes, we're in our mid 40's, so bite us, that Willie, at huge personal and financial risk to himself, saw fit to try to stop some of the rioting. What he did was put on his uniform and he went out onto the streets to try to talk people out of looting and rioting. What he did was astonishing because it was against team policy, the Tigers management told all players to stay out of the mess that was engulfing the city. If he had been hurt during the fracas, then the Tigers surely would have fired him or cut his salary, this was in the dark days of baseball before free agency liberated and protected players so the team would have easily gotten away with whatever they wanted to. So for Willie to have put everything on the line to help stop the violence was an extraordinary and heroic thing to do.

It also came to our attention that Willie was born in a place, Big Stone Gap, Va, that is not too far from where we live now, Johnson City, TN. Sadly however there is no plaque or any type of honor for him at the city of his birth because Willie is black and the population of Big Stone Gap is mostly lilly white.

It came to our attention a few years ago that Wille has adopted the Boys Club as his charity of choice and that he sponsors a golf tournament in our area each spring that raises money for said club. What makes this another reason to admire Willie is that his old pals from the Major Leagues come and play in the tournament and they mix and mingle and sign autographs for any and all duffers who sign up to play. The man is still giving back, and that's why we still admire Willie so much today.

But if Willie is someone to admire, then his evil opposite must be Michael Vick.

The rundown on Michael Vick is as follows:

• He left VA Tech early to chase the big NFL bucks.
  
• When he got busted for possessing pot he lied his way out of it and he hired an army of lawyers to protect his ass.
  
• He picked up a woman using the alias 'Ron Mexico,' had sex with her, gave her herpes, and then tried to deny it.
"Viva unprotected sex with groupies!"



• He refuses to accept any blame for not leading his team to a Superbowl victory, and remember this is the team that pays him millions of dollars to do just that.



• He thinks it's okay to force dogs to fight and kill each other for his and his buddies amusement.
  

It's a crying shame that the media wants kids and NFL fans to idolize Vick when he does crap like that. And it's an even bigger shame that someone like Willie Horton, a truly good and decent human being who is a true hero, is forever confused with that murdering rapist thanks to Bush the elder. But thank goodness that we were taught who to idolize and who to vilify.

Liars, Killers, and the Village Idiot

In olden times, and no, we do not mean the 1980s, they used to have in every town what was known as the village idiot. Now, of course, calling a retarded person an idiot was not a nice thing to do, but the other villagers learned quickly who the idiot was and they looked kindly on the village idiot and they helped him, or her, out when necessary. Today in our fast paced society we do not take the time out to look out for the "village idiot," with one exception. One village idiot in particular, who's last name is Bush and whose first name is George and who's middle initial is W, managed to secure for himself the most powerful job in the whole country, perhaps the whole world, with disastrous consequences for all of us.


This particular idiot wanted to make sure the people who helped him make his millions and who helped put him in office had a secure flow of oil. So in order to secure that oil he started a war with Iraq. He poured millions of this country's money down a rat hole and got many many people killed. He claimed that by going to war over in Iraq he was keeping our country safe.


And yesterday in a press conference he told a reporter who dared question his idiotic leadership that we are still in the war because those people who we attacked want to come over here and kill our children.


Now you can call us here at Monkey Muck HQ many things but you can't call us stupid. Unlike most of the corporate media, pundits, and political hacks, we get it, we understand what is going on. Those people whose country we invaded and continue to occupy don't want to come over here and kill us or our children, well maybe they do want to kill the children of a President named Bush and the children of a Vice President named Cheney. No, the vast majority of the people fighting against the people who occupy their home land simply want to be free of their invaders and the bloodsucking corporations who want to bleed them dry, corporations like Halliburton, Blackwater, ExxonMobilBPShellMicrosoftWal-Mart.

Let's take a deep breath and think about who is really going to kill who's children and who has already killed someone else's children. Ok, ready? Good, then here we goooooooooo:


This guy killed a bunch of people's kids. He's dead now. So is the bunny probably. But in reality, he did not have anything to do with 9/11, Al Qaeda, nor did he have any WMDs. The Village Idiot claims that he was shocked to find out that this guy did not have any WMDs, even though Hans Blix and Scott Ritter told him repeatedly that he did not have them.

These guys will kill someones child if that persons child has invaded their country and occupies their country for the foreseeable future. They would prefer not to kill someones children but they feel like they have no choice. The way to stop them from killing someone from America's child is to remove all the Americans and to turn Iraq and Afghanistan back over to the native peoples.

Same goes for these guys.



This guy lied through his teeth to the UN to get us into the war. He said later that he was sad about lying to the UN. He's responsible for the deaths of over 3000 Americans and for the hundreds of thousands of Iraqi and Afghan deaths. Maybe he is sad his lies got all those people's children killed. We're not sure but we bet he writes a book about it later and makes all kinds of money off it.
This guy lied through his teeth and manipulated all the "intelligence" to get us into the war. So he is responsible for killing other people's kids.

These two jackals got hundreds of thousands of people killed and one makes a shitload of money off the war as well.

This guy said it was a "slam dunk" that Saddam had WMDs and because of his lies we are in the war now. He is responsible for the murders of a lot of people's children. Oh yeah, he also just wrote a book about his role in the war and guess what? He says he is not to blame. And we here at Monkey Muck say to him, "Bull shit, you fucking liar point those fingers of blame not at other people you coward, but back at your murdering self."

This waste of a mullet became the lap dog, or poodle as some have said, to the Village Idiot in Chief. He is responsible for the deaths of many British soldiers and thousands and thousands of Iraqi's and Afghans.This ghoulish couple took us to war, keep us at war, and refuse to get us out of the war. They are responsible for all the dead children, all the dead people who were someone elses children, and all the children and people who are someone elses children yet to die in the useless war without end amen. It's times like this that we wish Hell was a real place because we know damn well that all the liars, murderers, and bastards we just wrote about would be going there when they finally die. It's also times like these that make us glad we are non Jeebus believers because if it is true that his Dad wanted Bush to be President, then what kind of sick fucking god would that be anyway?

But thank goodness there is one man who will make us proud again, one man who will end the war, one many who will stop the rape of Iraqi oil fields, one man who will end the use of depleted uranium in our weapons, one man who will use diplomacy instead of a billy club, one man who will be a great President, and that man is Rep. Dennis Kucinich.

It's time to put a real leader in the White House. Let's take back our country. Let's elect the only man who has our interests at heart, vote Kucinich in 2008.

Hey Condi...

How much do you think Georgie Jr is packing in his briefs? Got it, thanks.

Oh girl

Today in Condi news.


Condi abroad-

From the Associated Press:
OSLO, Norway -
Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice on Thursday dismissed as "ludicrous" Russian concerns that Washington's plans to deploy anti-missile defenses in Europe would endanger Moscow's nuclear arsenal. (We Imagine that someone in The Kremlin has written a memo entitled "Bush determined to attack inside Russia" but unlike Condi who dismissed the memo that read "Bin Laden determined to attack inside US" the folks in the Kremlin are taking their threat seriously.)


Condi at home-
From the Associated Press
OSLO, Norway — Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said Thursday she has already answered the questions she has been subpoenaed to answer before a congressional committee and suggested she is not inclined to comply with the order.
Rice said she would respond by mail to questions from the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee on the Bush administration's prewar claims about Saddam Hussein seeking weapons of mass destruction, but signaled she would not appear in person. (Why should she appear in person, her boss tells her that Congress has no oversight over the White House.)


Ol' Condi sounds a lot like her boss when she dismisses other nations concerns over things that directly affect those nations and scoffing at Congress. We suppose we should not blame Ol' Condi she is after all just taking her cue from the Idiot in Chief.