Tuesday, January 18, 2022

Interview with Trump

 (All answers are actual Trump quotes.)

You said you could shoot someone dead and get away with it.

"No matter what you do - guns, no guns - it doesn't matter. You have people that are mentally ill. And they're gonna come through the cracks. And they're going to do things that people will not even believe are possible."

What's up with all your lies that the election was stolen?

"Our country is in serious trouble. We don't have victories any more. We used to have victories but [now] we don't have them. When was the last time anybody saw us beating, let's say, China, in a trade deal? They kill us. I beat China all the time. All the time."

Childhood discipline, where do you stand?

"When you see the other side chopping off heads, waterboarding doesn't sound very severe."

Tell me something demented about yourself.

"To be blunt, people would vote for me. They just would. Why? Maybe because I'm so good looking."

Who is your favorite Middle Eastern dictator?

"If you look at Saddam Hussein, he killed terrorists. I'm not saying he was an angel, but this guy killed terrorists."

How do you feel about Eric, your son?

"I never attacked him on his looks, and believe me, there's plenty of subject matter right there."

What have you nicknamed your tiny ball sack?

"I look very much forward to showing my financials, because they are huge."

Jesus, who you claim to believe in and even worship, laid hands on people, how do you feel about things like shaking hands? If Jesus thought it was okay, then how do you stand on it?

"The concept of shaking hands is absolutely terrible, and statistically I've been proven right."

Respond to the rumor that you're a closeted gay man like your dead fascist Red baiting AIDS riddled buddy Roy Cohn.

"All of the women on The Apprentice flirted with me - consciously or unconsciously. That's to be expected."

Denial isn't just a river in Egypt...

"She does have a very nice figure... If [Ivanka] weren't my daughter, perhaps I'd be dating her."

You're making me physically ill. You are a boorish pig fucking thin skinned idiot. I can't stand being around you anymore.

“You’re disgusting.”

You sound like my cousin John who probably voted for you.

"There are those that say they have never seen the Queen have a better time, a more animated time."

So you just called my cousin gay.

"I think the big problem this country has is being politically correct. I've been challenged by so many people and I don't, frankly, have time for total political correctness."

I'm leaving you now. Go crawl back under your rock in Mar-a-Lago. Or better yet go swimming with hungry alligators. You are a piece of shit human.

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