Separate and unequal

This handsome dude is my Uncle Jerry. He was one of my mother's brothers and I lost touch with him after my siblings and I were sent to live with Aunt Rageaholic and Uncle Adultery after my mother's sudden death in 1972. Uncle Jerry was a "confirmed bachelor," which is what they called homosexual men back in those days.

I always liked Uncle Jerry. He was a nice guy and he took us places when we were little kids, like to the movies and to hockey games. It never occurred to me that my uncle was gay because he didn't act like the gay people I saw on TV and in movies at that time. I came to learn later that the "gay" characters on TV and film around that time were wildly offensive stereotypes and they bore no relation to the way gay men and women really acted. Jerry just seemed to be a nice hard working guy who was around at family functions and who took us kids out for fun outings, he didn't seem like he wanted to have sex with every man or boy he saw and he didn't run around acting like the limp wristed sissy character on Are You Being Served.

The last thing I heard about Uncle Jerry from my brother, who is not the most reliable or unbiased source in the world. He told me that Jerry was either dying from or had died of an AIDS related disease and that in his last years he was a bitter hateful angry man. If that was indeed true I can certainly see why Jerry would have been such a man towards the end of his life. He grew up in a time when gays and lesbians were more hated and feared than they are today. For most of his life there were no such things as gay bars where gay men and women could meet and socialize in peace without having to fear getting beat up or killed for being different than the rest of us. Also for most of his life my Uncle Jerry had to live with the fact that he could have been arrested and prosecuted for being true to who he was and loving men. If I had to hide who I was and society told me that I was a second class citizen who was subject to arrest for loving someone then I'd be bitter and angry too. I'd bear a lot of hate towards everyone who tried to marginalize me and to exclude me from having the same rights that heterosexual people have.

I can never make up for losing touch with my gay uncle and I can never tell him that I loved him. It's too bad that he didn't live to see the day when the largest state in our union finally recognized that not allowing two consenting adults to marry one another is wrong. I'm not sure if he would have gotten married if he had the chance but it would have been nice if he had had the option to and if he had the same rights and freedoms as others in this country have.

Let's hope that the rest of the states in our union follow the lead of California and Massachusetts and grant homosexuals the right to marry if they so choose. The same people who oppose gay marriage are the ones who opposed interracial marriage, inter faith marriages, civil rights for African Americans, and equal rights for women and they were just as wrong about those things as they are about gay marriage.