Question of the day

Today's question comes from Rev. John Shuck who writes Shuck and Jive, if you have never read John's blog it's a lot of fun, especially the comments he gets from right wing conservative Christians who hate his progressive take on Christianity and all things religious. (I'll admit to goading a few of those close minded folks over there every now and again, so I hope your boss and celestial homeboy Jesus doesn't get too mad at me for doing that John.)

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Anyhoo, John's question is: What is your favorite Ann Coulter fantasy?

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Okay, I need to make sure we all are straight on a few things before I can answer this question.

1) I do not in any way find Ann Coulter attractive so I have no sexual fantasies about her. She is too skinny for my tastes and her skin looks papery, like the skin of a vampire. Her figure is too bony and angular for me, I like a gal with curves and meat on her bones, and as the kids today say, with "a little junk in her trunk." Heroin/Holocaust chic just does not get it done for the monkey man. 2) While I disagree with everything she says, I do not hate her nor do I wish that she suffer any injury or a slow painful death. I don't want to shut her up. I've grown fond of the degree of free speech we still have in this country so I'll gladly let her have her say, just so long as I get to do the same. I'm not about shutting anyone up, even Ann, I'm all about getting more voices into the mix.
So, my answer to your question John is, my favorite Ann Coulter fantasy would be that she would wake up today and have a civil tone to her rhetoric. In my fantasy she tones down her outrageous statements that she makes just to get attention and she begins to have more intelligent cogent points to back up her arguments. Then as other pundits notice how much nicer, though not any different politically, she has become, they all start to become nicer too and as a result our national political debate stops being so shrill and divisive and it starts to bring people together.

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Great question John! Thanks for sending it in.

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Do you have a question about food? Sports? Politics? Movies? TV? History? Interpretive dance? Pre-Cambrian plant life? Card or board games? Improv Comedy? Anything at all? Well then don't be shy, I'm answering one question a day all January long here on the blog. Send your questions to monkeymuckATgmailDOTcom and I'll answer them in the order I get them. I need many more questions to answer folks, so keep sending them in, even if you have already sent one, send in another. And I'm hoping against hope that my Canadian and British readers will get off their duffs and send in questions.

Today's Radical Right Wing Christian News Round Up

1) Britney Spears 16 year old little sister Jamie Lynn's pregnancy has left their Mom's publisher red faced and embarrassed. Mrs. Spears book on, and I shit you not, Christian parenting has been delayed indefinitely. In related news Amy Winehouse's book on personal grooming and how to stay drug and alcohol free has also been delayed.

2) Mitt Romney's Mormon roots are showing and his magic underpants are growing! He's decided to marry again! There may be a bit of a problem with his new spouse though, there's been talk she used to be or still is a man. That's okay with Mitt though, he's been known to flip flop on things before!

4) Mike Huckabee is still intent on making sure everyone is celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ this year, and that includes all you damn dirty Jews, Papists, tree huggers, dirt worshippers, Methodists, Mormons, Tom Cruisers, Jedi Knights, atheists, agnostics, Zoroastrians, Rastafarian's, Native Americans, Yoga practitioners, and anyone else who is not a right wing evangelical Christian like him. He also wants to remind everybody that anyone caught celebrating anything other than the birth of Jesus this holiday season will be eaten or rounded up and imprisioned at Gitmo
5) Have no fear, Right wing Jesus is ever vigilant and He will stop any and all dudes from kissing each other during his birthday celebration. But to prove he's got that Christmas spirit, he's going to let hot young women who want to kiss one another go right ahead.
6) And finally, it's about time but some Christians are going green: