Gomer Huckabee is demanding that we all convert to his brand of Southern Baptist nuttery. He also demands that all women be required to look like Kim Davis.
Chris Christie is demanding more doughnuts, Ring Dings, Cokes, and a bag of oranges that he can use to hit teachers in the kidneys with.
Carly Fiorina is demanding she be made CEO of every company so she can lay off everybody in order to increase profits for her and the other investors. And she wants people to stop talking about her penis.
Miss Lindsey is demanding a fainting couch and a pearl necklace at every debate.
Santorum wants to be left alone so he can go to truck stops and chug cock in peace.
Ben Carson is demanding that gleeble glook abibbity boo. And Obama is scary.
What? Him worry?
The other forty five Republican candidates could not be reached for comment.