Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Hey lady, nice beaver!

Two working stiffs riding down a road with a truck load of medical waste hit a deer and one of the waste filled drums flies out of the truck, rolls into a river, and gets swept into a beaver dam that somehow is also on a lake.  Also on this lake/river hybrid is a home where there malnourished college girls are going to spend a weekend away from their horny cheating boyfriends.

The girls, who look like they've never met a sandwich they could finish, quickly strip off and into their skimpy bikinis so they can go for a dip in the lake.  After you finish counting their ribs, you'll see them swim out to the beaver dam and nearly get into an altercation with a bear.  They blithely ignore the nuclear green glowing waste on the beaver dam so they can instead focus on the bear which is quite a ways from them.  Just in time a hunter, wearing jeans, a shirt, and a work jacket in the blistering summer heat shoots his gun to scare away the bear and then he scolds the girls for not wearing more clothes, but not before he leers at them, especially the one covering her bare breasts with her hands.

Properly chastened the girls head back for what seems like a Sapphic evening alone but then just when you think the two skinniest ones are going to make out, their loutish boyfriends show up.  Thankfully after some of the college kids have the least sexy sex ever the killer beavers finally show up to do what killer beavers do best, cause mayhem, death, and destruction.

I'd go further into the plot of this movie but you've seen it before, we all have.  And although it's been done better in other films, and yes, this one is as bad as you'd expect it to be, it's not actually that terrible.  It never takes itself too seriously and it's full of the tropes we all expect but still scare us and make it a fun horror movie.

The supporting actors pull this film out of the pit of horribleness.  The hunter character is pretty funny and the neighbors are pretty funny, but if you're looking for good acting from the cast of college kids, forget it.  They're all pretty terrible, especially the skinny blonde gal and the super skinny brunette gal with the glasses.  The other female lead who gets her boobs out isn't bad but her accent wavers more than flag on a ninety mile an hour wind.  But the best performances are tuned in by Bill Burr and John Mayer who play the louts in the truck.  Their banter is pretty laugh out loud funny.

If you like cheesy horror movies where you know what's going to happen next, then this kind of funny not too terrible movie is right up your alley.  Don't expect trenchant socially relevant film making here, it's brainless, mindless horror fluff.

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