Just do it

Be a man, stay dry.

Movies of the week, early 1980's edition

Old white people know what's best for black folks in Baltimore

"They just need to calm down and do what the police tell them.  I do, and I never have any problems."

"Those thugs need Jesus, right wing Jesus.  You know, the one who hates gays and loves private enterprise."

"If they'd get a job and stay away from white women, things would be fine."

"Yes, I want those muscle bound taut hard bodied men with huge bulges to stay away from me, especially when I'm naked and fresh out of the shower, which is usually around 9 in the morning.  I'm at 836 Oakland, so make sure all you good looking horny young black men stay away from me and my house, wink wink."

"Are they banging on about racism again?  Isn't letting them have a black president enough?  Fuck, we let them have the NBA too.  They need to stop whining."

"I say we mix them all a nice martini or give them a swig of malt liquor and they go their to vacation homes to calm down."

"I suppose we could stop treating them as second class citizens and reinvest in their communities. Hahahahaha, I nearly said the shit with a straight face."

"Stop bothering me, I'm binge watching Fringe on Netflix."

More science experiments for conservative kids

Fart in a bag and make a random boy person breathe it in.  If he likes it, he's gay.  Measure and record the amount of time he tries to have homogay sex with you and or he cries that he's being oppressed when you force Jesus into his heart. 

Give an ax to a liberal kid from a big city and tell him to chop some wood using his bare foot as a brace.  When and if he cuts off his foot and he starts bleeding profusely see how long it takes him to pass out after you tell him that the brilliant Republican governor of your state or commonwealth won't allow Obamacare where you live.  

Find different flammable objects and see how many will allow you to successfully burn down Unitarian churches, swinger clubs, and abortion clinics.

Get your parents handguns and make liberal kids step on nails.  See how long it takes them to develop agonizing diseases such as tetanus, lock jaw, and gangrene.  Or just shoot them and tell the libtard media you were just exercising your second amendment freedom.

Nail a horseshoe into a young tree.  Years later when the tree has grown pretend to find it and show an evolution believing adult.  Ask him if he thinks the tree evolved that way.  If he says it did, then shout, "You're a fucking idiot, evolution is a lie from the pit of Satan's anus!" at him.  Then get an attorney to sue him for infringing on your religious freedom.

When you get your eyes tested, tell the kindly lady who is administering the test that all you want to see is her boobs.  Measure how long it takes her to show her tits to you or how long it takes her to slap you and call you a little sexist pig.  Then when you have your data, go on Fox News and tell the world how the feminists are ruining your eye sight.

At night remove all the food from your house except for sugary cereal.  When you say your prayers make sure that your parents hear you pray that they'll let you have sugary cereal for breakfast.  The next morning run down stairs and show them God has answered your prayers.  If they don't believe you, tell child protective services, tell them your parents are gay Communist atheists who aren't fit to raise children and that you want them locked up in a cell in Gitmo right away before they take your High Fructose Corn Syrup infused cereal away from you.

Get a group of Negro children from an inner city school and demand they take the same science tests that are given to you in your private school.  If they don't score as well as or better than you did, demand the teachers who are sucking at the public teat and not teaching the Negroes goodly enough be fired.  When the libtard media tries to tell you that your experiment is faulty and perhaps racist, make them drink some of your urine until they admit they are the faulty racist ones.

Get some rocks.  Throw them at kids who believe in evolution, if they don't evolve mechanisms to defend themselves against the rocks being thrown at them, tell them that evolution is a lie and that Jesus hates lies, liars, and gays.

Seen while out and about

Kind of shocking for it's day

This anti drug ad was from Mad magazine 1971.

Sandra Bullock? Really?

People magazine named Sandra Bullock the most beautiful woman in the world.  She's okay.  But they must have forgotten about these beautiful women:

Constance Wu.

 Sheila Vand.

Naomi Watts.

Nathalie Emmanuel.

Lucy Lawless.

Amy Acker.

Margaret Atwood.

Helen Mirren.

Emma Watson.

Mary Elizabeth Winstead.

Isabella Rossellini.

Kitty Flanagan.

 Naomie Harris.

Naomi Klein.

Jane Harber.

Olivia Wilde.

Sarah Spain and Prim Siripipat.

Naomi Battrick.

Chelsie Preston Crayford.

A peek at today's science lesson at Ronald Reagan Magnet School for Science

Going yard

The outdoor spring projects continue unabated here at Monkey Central.  We have to get them done before it gets too hot and humid to be outside for very long.

This project was pretty minor after redoing the fence and the rail by the steps we redid last summer.  The lilac bush and the bird bath, our little friends Ozzy and Luli down the street call it a 'bird pool,' were already in place, so all we did was buy some landscaping stones and encircle them both in together.  Then I dug up what bit of lawn was left inside the new egg shaped enclosure and Sparky covered it over with straw, then cardboard, then we dumped three bags of topsoil over that.  In a few weeks she's going to plant herbs in there to replace the ones that died in the big cold snap we went through this past February.

The next project, digging up a row of monkey grass and extending the old rose garden out to the walkway in the back yard was a bit harder.

I dug out all the monkey grass, it came out in huge clumps, then I dug the top layer of regular grass up, and turned it over.  The grass used to cover an area about the size of our Scion XA.

 Once I got that dug up, turned over, and the bigger chunks busted up in to manageable clods, Sparky covered the area with cardboard and we tramped it down.  Then we whisked ourselves off to buy topsoil and compost/manure mix which she laid down while I recuperated from all my back breaking labors.

Then the rains came.  And the next day after the rains cleared out for a bit, Sparky realized we should have built the raised bed before she spread all the dirt out.  So we took some lumber had left from redoing the fence and the railing and we built a new raised bed.

Today the weather gods smiled upon us, thank you Thor!, and it was warm and sunny.  So I went and got some large pine bark nuggets and spread them around out newly built raised bed.  In a few weeks when the tomato and pepper plants are ready, Sparky is going to plant them in our new bed.

I like projects like this because they take up part of the lawn and less lawn means less I have to mow and more food we can grow.