Wednesday, April 23, 2014

How to tell if you're in a John le Carré novel

  • You're a wealthy white person who dabbles in dangerous espionage related activities. 
  • You went to Cambridge or Oxford. 
  • If you went to Cambridge, you automatically think any one who went to Oxford is suspect, and vice versa.
  • You're able to drink prodigious amounts of liquor and still drive, carry on sensitive spy work, and have sex.
  • You have every style of rain coat known to man.
  • You drive British made autos out of a misguided sense of patriotism.
  • You reluctantly carry a sidearm but you've never fired it.
  • You like to repeat yourself over and over.
  • You speak several languages fluently and you're able to bluff your way through the rest, even dead languages.
  • Your marriage is crumbling because your wife is sleeping with the mole in your spy agency you've been hunting for years.
  • Everyone who ever lived in Moscow is either out to kill you or give you information which may or may not be accurate.
  • You like to drink on the job.
  • You see the world in various shades of gray.
  • You like to repeat yourself over and over.
  • Your overcoat smells like gin and piss.
  • Your friends aren't your friends.
  • Your memory is faulty but in the end you figure out who is trying to kill you and why.
  • No one appreciates all the hard work you do keeping the Soviet spies at bay.
  • Pretty white women want to bed you as well as kill you.
  • You rarely eat.
This post was inspired by this post.

No comments: