"Whoa, hang on a minute, nobody told me that being sober was a requirement to be in this post."
"Nobody told me either, I've been out drinking with Toronto mayor Rob Ford."
"I'm shitfaced too."
"Fuck the world, gimme another drink."
"Hell, I haven't been sober since the Ford administration."
"The only problem I see in the world is my highball glass is fucking empty. Someone get me a drink now."
"I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to be in this post, seeing as how I'm not white or drunk."
"I'm so drunk I don't give a shit. Hey, dare me to bite my finger off? Do you? Well fuck that. I'll fucking do it."
"Boom. Told you I would. I bit that bitch right off. Now gimme some more grain alcohol."