Free birth control must now be worn on the outside of women's bodies. And women must accessorize it with their daily wardrobe.
Titty twisters will now be used to treat any and all pulmonary related illnesses.
Everyone must drink a half gallon of tequila before every operation.
All anuses must be accessible for the pleasure of gay hospital staff.
Doctors must now actually look at the vaginas they treat instead of just thrusting a hand under a sheet covered one. And if the vagina is attached to a white Christian female who is still a virgin, her hymen must then be broken by the doctor or the nearest Muslim.
Pets no bigger than a Shetland pony will be allowed in hospital room.
Squankton's syndrome, dispeptomia, and bloody socket will not be covered under any insurance plan unless it strikes a person making less than $250,000 annually, or if the person is an undocumented worker.
You'll get a two percent discount on your copay if you clean your own hospital room.