"Them dang atheists won't let me save them. They is persecuting me by not listening to me preach the holy word."
"I want as many plump wives as I can get. Jesus told me it was okay, so why won't the government let me do what the son of God wants?"
"I want to pray to Jesus loudly everywhere, even in a mosque and where ever it those demonic Jews gather, is that so wrong?"
"God told us to hate you."
"My wife wants a bigger hairdo, the higher her hair, the closer to Jesus we are. Fuck the government and all those who say she can't have higher hair."
"Jesus didn't wear panties. Why do I have to? My snatch is holy and pure, I should be able to show it where and when I want."
"If Jesus comes back and talks that socialist stuff again, then he's persecuting me! It's my God given right to ignore all the social justice shit in the Bible."