Saturday, December 15, 2012

And now here's a word or two from the god of the Christians

Look, it's not my fault I let that mass shooting go down in Connecticut yesterday.  Really it's not.  Just because I created the world and everything in it, and yes I created puppies, waterfalls, sunshine, HIV/AIDS, childhood cancer, fat smelly asses, pedophile priests, pollution, Fox News, ponies, and everything else, doesn't mean it's my fault.  I created you humans who created guns and bullets, I never dreamed you idiots would put the two of them together so quickly.  I gifted the beings on Platzorp 5 with the same knowledge but after the first time someone got killed by a gun they decided not to use guns and bullets.

But you know what?  I fucking told you people time and time again to praise me more often, so if you had been praising me more you'd have less time to shoot and kill little innocent kids.  So really, this mass shooting is on you.  It's your fault.  You didn't praise me enough.  I wanted more burnt offerings of animals and what did you give me?  The motherfucking Kardashians, Survivor, and Lindsay Lohan as Liz fucking Taylor in a Lifetime movie.  Do you not see now why I had to turn a blind eye to your children.

And another reason this tragedy in Connecticut went down was maybe I was busy answering the prayers of Christians who I actually like.  Maybe I was distracted when I was telling Pat Robertson all kinds of whacked out shit.  Hey, it's not like I'm a great multitasker after all, sure I created everything and I've been around forever and I write the songs that make the young girls sing but you know what?  I did all that shit but I've never been to me.  This 'deity' gig is hard sometimes.  So please, shut up, this is hard.  If you think it's not, then you try it.  Oh wait you can't because you're not me and I'm infallible.

My ways are mysterious, so fuck you.  Get off my back. 


Kal said...

Now THAT is brilliant. I watched shit stain Mike Huckabee make the same point of not enough God in schools and I almost jumped through the TV to kick his ass. Fuck those religious motherfuckers. I swear if I had a gun....

Mnmom said...

Omnipotent my ass

gmb said...

I hope someone finally looks at who is making all the money selling automatic weapons. Probably a few uber wealthy families making billions at the expense of the rest of us. Someone needs to identify the monsters and let everyone know who they are. Oh, and also id their whore politicians and tell us how much the whores get paid to allow their kids to be killed.

david_b said...

Yep, I love it as well.

Perfect commentary, oh so true.