"I like how religious he is and I know for a fact that he's really a Protestant in disguise. When he takes the oath of office he'll be born again and he'll leave all the Papist nonsense behind, because if he doesn't then he'll be the one who drives Obama and that birth control pill chugging whore to hell."
"My arms...my arms have been ripped off me. Sweet cheeses, I want to die, the pain is immense. Please kill me."
"I'm pretty sure Santorum smells like someone who I'd like to hang out with and since he wasn't endorsed by Jeff Foxworthy he's my guy. Oh and also I like him because he's not an uppity black man who might be a secret Kenyan Muslim."