Saturday, March 24, 2012

Dear 20 Something Cashiers,

I'm not in the store where you work to be friends or buddies with you. And I'm pretty sure you don't want to be BFFs with me. I'm there to buy something. That's it. What I don't want is the following:

  • I don't want you to tell me about your new piercing, tattoo, or your new hair color. I could care less about what you did last night or before you came to work. I don't want to know about your dog, cat, brother, sister, kid, or in fact, anyone in your life.
  • I don't want you to sneer at my purchases. I could care less if you think what I buy is crap, you're not buying, I am.
  • I don't want you to check the eggs in my egg carton. I can do that myself, and most likely, I did before I put them in the cart.
  • If I tell you I don't want a bag and you put some of my stuff in a plastic bag, I don't want you to toss that plastic bag away in a huff. I didn't want that bag in the first place, but now that you've used it I don't want you to toss it away, just give it to me and I'll recycle it.
  • I don't need you to look at my aging face and short hair and assume I'm some kind of right winger. Most likely, I'm more left wing than you are you smarmy little turd.
  • And finally, stop acting all hurt that I don't want to stay and chat with you. I'm painfully aware, as you should be, that there are customers behind me and they want to get checked out quickly as well, so I'll always skip the chit chat so they can get checked out a little faster.

Seriously people, I'm not there to make your day bright or to validate and to praise you effusively, that's your parents job, not mine. Let's keep things between us short, professional, and brief.

Thanks ever so much.

Sincerely,

Dr. Monkey

3 comments:

gmb said...

Dr. Monkey, you would so fit in in NYC. Why if someone says "have a nice day" at the end of an exchange, we just assume that (1) they were forced to say that by upper management mooks, (2) they ust moved here from somewhere where it's normal to say that, or (3) they recently suffered a head injury. What I hate is the hovering salespeople in clothing stores, especially the ones who say "you would look good in that" no matter what you pick up. Hate them.

Sleestak said...

Ok, let's get started:

1) Cashiers are mandated and monitored to engage in 'dialog'. They don't like it, but if they get caught not doing it, they get busted. They do it because of the secret shopper program. In my company, 3 failures to do 'dialog' properly as reported by a secret shopper means you get terminated.

2) Yeah, you got that. Unless you are buying baby oil, duct tape and a cucumber they should not have the slightest expression or opinion that is negative. Even then.

3) Eggs are double-checked because they are often broken between the time you check them and they get to the register. Bouncing around in a cart or under a soda in a hand basket usually means one at the end gets broken. ALSO: They are looking for eggs broken on the bottom and that isn't readily apparent to most customers. Maybe you are the rare customer who bothers to look for that. And further, the common complaint upon discovering broken eggs when the customer gets home isn't "they broke, oh well" it is the ranting phone call "YOU broke my eggs on purpose so I want a $25 gift card for the inconvenience."

4) ...

5) Used bags. The attitude isn't necessary but I personally toss the bags in the recycle bin at the checkstand, not the trash. I'm against immediately re-using bags when a customer changes their mind, remembers they didn't want a bag or we weren't quick enough to catch on. I can't count the times someone didn't want a bag for their drain cleaner or other poisons and the clerk then uses the same bag for the next customer that has baby food or vegetables in their order.

6) See #1

Dr. Monkey Hussein Monkerstein said...

I have no problem with cashiers who try to be friendly or engage in a limited amount of dialogue. I do have a problem with the ones who get all hurt and pissy when they think I should validate their job, their lives, and their existence. I'm not there to effusively praise them or pat them on the back and tell them they're doing a great job. Saying hello and then thanking me for my purchase is all I need.