The Herman Cain Guide to Helping Sexy Ladies Find a 'Job'

...so I told her, "Baby, just let me put the tip in and if the rest slides in after, well that ain't my fault, 'cause after all I'm a full grown man if you catch my drift."

What? Oh...hello. I didn't see you all standing there. Uh, thanks for dropping by, let's go ahead and get started.

• Ask your sexy lady job applicant if she's good with her hands. If she says she is, then tell her to give you a hand job. If she don't slap you or leave in a huff screaming about her 'rights' then she's cool with you.
• Ask her if she has a green thumb and likes to plant things. If she says yes then tell her you can get her a job planting tulips. Get it? Planting two lips! If she ain't hired a lawyer by now, then you're almost home free homey.
• If she does make noises about getting an attorney, tell her you're a lawyer and offer to show her your briefs.
  
• Next you take her to a church and when she asks when you're taking her there, tell her you just wanted to show her the organ.
• Or you could just get her alone in your car or other small enclosed space and reach under dress or skirt, feel around for her coochie, and then pull her head to your crotch.
  

That's right y'all, I'm all about helping the sexy ladies. Hell y'all, I'd even help Princess Nancy Pelosi. I'd help her perfect her black snake moan if you catch what I'm saying.

Okay, that's all for now. Remember, this shit was off the record. If the Democrat media gets a hold of what I just said they'd crucify me.