Saturday, May 28, 2011

Things that will happen before Newt Gingrich, Rick Santorum, Sarah Palin, or Michele Bachmann become President

  • The earth will stop spinning.
  • We will have marriage equality in the USA.
  • The Cubs will win the World Series.
  • The IMF will go broke.
  • Christians will stop being hypocritical sanctimonious assholes.
  • I'll win the Powerball and Mega Millions jackpots.
  • 'Birthers' and teabaggers will become sane rational people.
  • Salma Hayek will bear my love child.
  • Pigs will fly.
  • Michelle Malkin will show the world her penis.
  • Pat Robertson and all other TV evangelists will admit they made up all that shit and they'll give back all the money they took from gullible people.
  • I'll get a tattoo while being serenaded by the dulcet tones of death metal bands.
So, yeah, in other words, none of those delusional conservatives in the title of this post will ever be elected President of the United States. It's. Not. Going. To. Happen.


Jim said...

You forgot just one thing in your list... When Republicans start telling the TRUTH! LOL!
Have a great Memorial Day weekend.

Anonymous said...

I suppose that's true, but they will still make lots of money fleecing the rubes, who will end up voting against their own best interests for candidates who are no different or no better than those hucksters. The worst part is that if one or all of these twats goes down in flames, there are dozens more waiting in the wings.

Brian Busby said...

Michelle Malkin? Surely you mean Ann Coulter (and she may have more than one).

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

I said what I meant Brian.

Lsamsa said...

They should just rename their party the 'Republican Circus'.