Thursday, May 19, 2011

Dire warnings from American conservatives throughout history

"I told you it was a bad idea to declare independence and fight the war with Britain. We only won it because we got lucky. Now, please listen to me when I tell you that adopting this new fangled 'Constitution' is going to bring us nothing but trouble! We need to stick with the Articles of Confederation!"

"It's a bad idea to buy all that land from France! We don't need it. We've got to keep our country small so we can keep government small. And don't get me started on that we need to build a railroad nonsense. The founding fathers did just fine getting around on horses, with buggies, and by being carried by their slaves."

"This country will be ruined if we have to give up slavery. Ruined I tell you! We've got no business telling landowners what they can do. They are the backbone of this country, and besides those Negroes are only three fifths a person so they need to be white people's property. It's in the Bible, go read it."

"We've got to close our borders and keep the Italians, the Germans, the Hungarians, the Poles, and the Chinamen out of our great land. They'll take all our jobs and our women. And we need to crush unions, they are ruining our 19th century businesses! Huzzah!"

"This country will collapse if we give women the right to vote. It's too dangerous! If they get the right to vote then next thing you know all those Negroes will want to vote and if that happens, it's anarchy! And seriously, why haven't we crushed the labor movement yet?"

"We can't go to war with Germany! We must remain neutral. Our great country will go bankrupt financially and morally if we go to war with Germany. Now, if you'll excuse me, it's my turn to baby sit our new born baby..."

"The US of A will implode if we let them darkies have equality! And I should know, I'm the mayor of Sheboygan! If them darkies get equality they'll hook up with the Commies and the fags and all of them will steal our women. Praise Jesus and crush the labor movement!"

"Look, if big government raises taxes on me and Kip here, we won't be able to hire people to look after our yachts and mow the lawn we like to teabag each other on. Also, if we had to pay more in taxes then we'd have less money to spend on lobbyists and union busting goons. And please, don't get me started on how gay marriage and the Mexicans are going to destroy America."

American conservatives, wrong from day one, still wrong today.

5 comments:

jadedj said...

Brilliant! I love this post.

Mnmom said...

This needs to be made into a poster. And posted in history classes.

Megan said...

Excellently done!

kirby said...

Why is that one man face raping that albino? And why is that albino wearing too much face bronzer?

okjimm said...

great post!