Monday, February 28, 2011

Oscar wrap up

  • You'd think after 82 tries they'd finally get it right. But no, you'd be wrong. WORST OSCARS EVER.
  • James Franco is a fine actor. However, he's an awful host. He had all the stage presence and charisma of a block of wood.
  • Poor Anne Hathaway. She had to work twice as hard as normal to make up for her lackluster co-host and as a result she came off as needy and goofy.
  • Boy, Michael Douglas looks like hell these days. What? That was his dad? Boy, Kirk Douglas looks like hell these days. I hope they got him back into his cryogenic chamber before he thawed out all the way. They'll get him out of that chamber again just as soon as a cure for annoying old man syndrome is found.
  • Melissa Leo wins an Oscar, it's about god damned time. She deserved one for Frozen River and for what ever she does next.
  • I missed about an hour and a half of the show because I wanted to watch something good. I turned it over to PBS and caught the last installment of Any Human Heart, and boy was I glad I did. To make up not commenting on what I didn't see during that hour and a half, here's some pictures of my pick for Best Actress, Jennifer Lawrence:

  • Why do they feel the need to kiss Steve Spielberg's ass every year? He makes sappy mediocre films, get over him Hollywood, the rest of us have.
  • Every time Ann Hathaway came out in a new dress I wondered if they were playing a practical joke on her and or us. They got progressively worse as the night went on. I'm pretty sure that at one point she was wearing the shower curtain from some college kid's apartment.
  • They must really hate all those people who died this past year. What else could be the reason they got Celine Dion to sing during the death montage?
  • That singer from Florence and the Machine, is English her first language? Or does she speak Mumbles?
  • Gwyneth Paltrow singing at the Oscars isn't the major crime against all that we hold holy, although it's pretty fucking bad. No, the most serious offense here is that a song from her abortion of a country music film was nominated in the first place.
  • Is there anything more cringe worthy than watching Gwyneth Paltrow sing? Yes! Those stupid 'off the cuff' comments they made Jeff Bridges and Sandra Bullock do when they introduced the Best Actress and Best Actor nominees are more cringe worthy than watching Paltrow 'sing.'
  • Best acting job of the night was when Anne Hathaway told James Franco he was doing a great job as Oscar host. She deserved an Oscar for saying that without breaking out into convulsions and red blotchy hives.
  • I've got an idea, let's get Kirk Douglas to host the show next year. He couldn't be any worse than James Franco was.
  • Disease of the week films about a member of the British royal family are a lock to win Best Picture. Next year the winner will be a movie about how Prince Charles triumphed over his inbreeding to have his first wife killed so he could shag a department store mannequin for the rest of his days.


Wings said...

Didn't watch the whole thing, went to bed a little after nine. Paltrow is a plague, she needs to just vanish somewhere. GAH. I can't stand her.

K and S said...

This is the first year I didn't watch any of the Oscars due to James Franco hosting. He's talentless and annoying.

Another great post, Dr. M! You had me laughing again.

Margaret Benbow said...

Kirk Douglas's botched face lift is sad. I can remember when he actually had a face.

But it's Gwyneth Paltrow trying to sing Country who makes me throw up twice.

Anonymous said...

I was in the theatre when a preview for Paltrow's last movie was shown. People actually started laughing at it, and not for the right reasons.

DrGoat said...

I kinda enjoyed watching Ann Hathaway almost pee in her pants when she introduced Spielberg. The whole thing made me cringe.

McGriddle Pants said...

hahahaaa! DEAD ON!!

I watched Golden Girls instead.

dguzman said...

What the hell is up with Paltrow trying to sing all the damned time? Can't she be happy making shitty movies?