Friday, February 18, 2011

It's open letter time!

Dear The Daily Show,
Olivia Munn and John Hodgman are seriously painfully unfunny. And seeing as how you already have two unfunny correspondents, Sam Bee and Jason Jones, you ought to think of letting some of these unfunny people go.
Yours,
Dr. Monkerstein

Dear Intestinal Tract of Mine,
What crawled up inside you and died?
Sincerely,
Monkey

Dear Committed Christian Friends on Facebook,
I don't want to add any more of you nuts to my friend list so please stop suggesting I add more of you crazy fuckers.
Thanks,
Doctor Monkey

Dear Warm Weather,
I love you. I honestly love you. Let's run off and live together.
Adoringly yours,
Monkerstein

Hey Tailgating Asshole on Interstate 181,
The guy in front of me had a tire that was blowing out and tossing chunks of wire filled rubber at me. I saw you had to swerve to miss one as well, which should have given oyu a clue as to why I slowed down. But just for the record asshole, I slowed down to avoid an accident. I didn't need you driving up my ass and staying there. Then the worst part of your assholery was the stupid glare you gave me as you passed me. If I had had a taser gun, I would have tased your stupid ass.
Fuck off you idiot,
Me

Dear Blockbuster and Borders,
You both deserve bankruptcy because you refused to adapt to the changing market place. You especially Blockbuster, you seriously suck, idiots.
Yours in schadenfreude,
Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein.

6 comments:

Wings said...

I had a FB friend post about the pledge, so I posted about it and all was good and understanding until some "our way is the way" person decided to chime in. I commented again. People just cannot let others be. Christian love & charity my ass.

Flannery Alden said...

I hate tailgaters. Its' SO dangerous. And they really are the terrorists of the road.

I saw this very large window sticker on an SUV last night on the way home: If you're going to ride my ass, at least pull my hair. Which, while inappropriate, cracked me up.

DrGoat said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks John Hodgman is embarrassingly not funny.

kirby said...

Olivia Munn, yeah, I don't get it. Painfully unfunny is right.

Laura said...

I think that the only person who is funny on The Daily Show is John Stewart. Other than that... nope-nobody.

((Hugs))
Laura

dguzman said...

Did that letter to your intestinal tract work? Because if it did, could you write a letter to mine too?