Tuesday, September 7, 2010

The John Birch Society proudly presents: How an Illegal Mexican Becomes an American

(This post is also available as a graduate level course from Glenn Beck University.)
Greetings fellow white people. I'm Dr. Basil Boddy and I've spent my life studying the wily elusive illegal immigrant and their Communist ways. What I'm about to show you may shock some and titillate others but I can assure you it's all true!

The illegal Mexican to legal American journey begins in the homes of the illegals. They are told stories from birth about the wondrous magical land that is the USA.:
And they are shown all the photos of all the family members who made it across the border and into America. The children are told the tales of how their relatives take away high paying farm jobs from God fearing white Americans. They are also told how to take advantage of our free public schools and free clinics once they hit our country.

With their heads full of the Jesus blessed promise of America the children of Mexico must decide if they want to follow in the footsteps of other illegals and come to the USA where they can steal everything they can get their brown hands on or if they want to stay in Mexico and go to work for the drug and sombrero cartels.
If they decide they want to come to our country, they are trained to jump up and down on our flag, the Declaration of Independence, and our beloved Constitution. And after they are steeped in Marxism, Leninism, Papism, and step aerobics, they are forced to eat hamburgers until they vomit.
And when they vomit, they are made to vomit on our flag, our Constitution, and on photos of a nude Betty White.
Once they reach the proper height, somewhere around 4 and a half feet tall, they are packed in the trunks of the electric cars that are owned by limp wristed blame America first liberals.
The cars cruise through customs because President Obama wants this nation of ours to be flooded with brown skinned people like himself. But sometimes a courageous Christian conservative border guard breaks ranks and he carries out his job correctly, and when that happens the illegals use their Communist training and they become masters of disguise in order to come into our heaven kissed land:
Once across the border the illegal Mexican children shun work in the mines, the sweat shops, and the bordellos and they head for our public schools, which are already hotbeds for Darwinism, Methodism, and the gay agenda. They come to our schools with the blessing and support of the fat cat teachers union, the National Education Association aka the NEA.
Once firmly ensconced in our school system they sass teachers, eat free lunches, and force schools to teach our children their gutter language.
They also use up more then their fair share of school supplies while they try to impregnate our virginal white school girls. Their goal is to get our rosy cheeked school girls with the creamy thighs and taut flat tummies that have just a whisp of hair that begins below their young navels and extends down to their 'penis fly traps' knocked up with their devil spawn.
With our teens knocked up they then begin using more and more of our social services and they drop pills into our water supply. These pills make us drowsy, droopy, and too weak willed to work more than one job a day, which thereby opens up more jobs their fellow traveler illegal countrymen can steal when they get to our country.

And when they've knocked up our young women, stolen our social services, and obtained jobs for their friends, then and only then begins the final indignity:
forced gay race mixing on the day they obtain citizenship.

Yes, this is all quite shocking and it's all quite true. We've seen it happen a thousand times in our heads while sitting around after a good old fashioned circle jerk for Jesus at John Birch HQ. It's all very scary but we can stop it if only we can gain control of the liberal media, break the unions, shout down the environmental wackos, and force everyone to become an evangelical Christian. Won't you join us? Won't you help save America from the godless gay Mexican Marxist Communists?


Mnmom said...

Boy howdy I had my suspicions but now you've confirmed it. I'm going to sign up right now for the Palin/Beck campaign and wipe this brown menace from my neighbor. Of course, after they finish landscaping for the city, washing dishes in my favorite restaurant, and cooking me some of their great food.

Anonymous said...

I went and saw Machete yesterday. If you don't mind ridiculous ultra-violence (it's hilarious and gory!) then I think you might really really like it.

Tor Hershman said...

Most amusing, indeed.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Thanks Tor and thanks for stopping by and commenting. I'm always grateful to have more readers who comment. :o)

dguzman said...

Hey, this how MY siblings and I became Americans. What are trying to say?

Little Merry Sunshine said...

My favorite part of reading Monkey Muck is all the things I learn that my (clearly Communist) teachers never taught me. Thank you Dr. Monkey.