Wednesday, July 1, 2009

This just in...

God talks to Joe the plumber! About politics no less.

If I had the chance to talk to God I wouldn't waste my time just talking politics with him. I'd talk to him about why he lets so many good people die young while letting so many greedy amoral assholes live to ripe old ages. I'd ask him why some of the people who speak for him say it's okay to be rich and greedy while the book he supposedly wrote says exactly the opposite. I'd ask him why if he really hated gay people then why did he make so many of them? I'd also ask him why he created disease, cancer, war, strife, racism, other religions, and other bad stuff. I'd ask him why he made all those fossils to fool us into falling for evolution. Then I'd ask him why he created evolution.

I'd love to ask him all that stuff but the fact is I can't, because he won't talk to me because he doesn't exist. And so it follows that if he does not exist, then Joe the fucking plumber didn't talk to him either.

Joe was actually having a conversation with the voices in his head, just like all people who pray do. And usually having conversations with the voices in your head means you're insane. Go figure.

12 comments:

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Maybe Joe doesn't have any real friends to talk to.

Snad said...

Prescription ran out?

Professor Chaos said...

If you talk to god, that's prayer. If god talks to you, that's schizophrenia.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

Once again you nail the topic you are writing about. A+. I would like to ask God why he was such a cranky old testament sonovabitch. The God from that book is selfish and petty and a little to eager to smite down anything and everything. If I was his mom I would have taken away his Earth toy long before now.

Unknown said...

Well said, Dr. Monkey!! As a fellow atheist, AND someone who's studied some psychology, I concur: 1. God doesn't exist and 2. if you hear a "god" talking to you, seek professional help immediately, because you're probably schizophrenic.

themom said...

Well, we all seem to agree on the schizophrenia. But I think he is a lonely person and talks to all those gods in the bar.

Kim Hambric said...

I just talk to myself. That way, I usually like what I hear.

Margaret Benbow said...

My theory is that "Joe the f-----g plumber," as you call him, never existed and is some kind of bogus hologram that the Repugnicans dreamed up for the campaign. That he was such an inferior and even repulsive hologram is typical of the Repugs.

Ubermilf said...

and then God said, "You're not even a good PLUMBER! And another thing, here's a list of things you're wrong about:..."

But Joe left out that part of the conversation.

Cap'n Ergo "XL+II" Jinglebollocks said...

Maybe God secretly hates you because you're not a plumber??

Mnmom said...

"Oh, did I say I talked to God? I meant my wife"
Joe the Plumber

Anonymous said...

And babies with cancer. What the fuck is that shit, god? Huh? Or are you just being a huge omnipresent dick when you do that?