Saturday, June 20, 2009

Things I learned from watching a Hammer horror movie

I picked this DVD up at Big Lots for $3 the other day:I finally finished watching it last night. I learned some very important lessons from it and they are:
  • If someone has to ask if the thing they are doing is dangerous, it most likely is.
  • If someone asks if something is dangerous and the person they ask assures them it's not dangerous, then the activity they are engaging in is highly dangerous and most likely will result in one or more deaths.
  • Man made monsters always go after hot women.
  • Never make friends with doctors named Frankenstein, Franck, or Stein.
  • Never give a fancy dress party where women get all gussied up and wear gowns and jewels and classical musicians play because man made monsters love to crash parties where women get all gussied up and wear gowns and jewels and classical musicians play.
  • Never trust the hired help to keep secrets, especially ones who refuse to bathe.
  • If a mad scientist dies, make sure you destroy his brain.
  • All man made monsters are cannibals and they have a problem with drooling.
If you learn from the mistakes people made in Hammer horror films and chances are you'll live a long and happy life.


Wings said...

Good tips for life, but following them would make for pretty boring movies! hahahaha

Barbara Bruederlin said...

These are valuable life lessons, which I cannot afford to forget, so I am having them tattooed on my arm. Thank you.

Margaret Benbow said...

In a lot of these movies there's always some idealistic fool- professor (like in The Thing) who wants to go wandering out and reason with the ten-foot-tall monster with the big fangs, grabby claws and blood-red glaring eyes. Do not go out and try to reason with The Thing. If you're a professor, HIDE your puny ass and don't come out until more practical soldier-of-fortune types have dealt with the demon.