"Howdy! I just wanna thank my lord Jesus for making that terrorist lover Dr. Monkey give us some space on his godless blog so we can tell you folks out there what you can and can't make jokes about. Isn't that right Todd?""Yes dear."
"Now some of you people think we are humorless Christian prigs but nothing could be further from the truth! We love a good laugh. Don't we Todd?"
"Yes dear."
"So, according to us and our lord who hates gays, hippies, left handed people, feminists, men who bake, and anyone who isn't white or who doesn't love Jesus, it's okay to make jokes about the following things:
- That boy Levi who got me, oops, I mean my daughter Bristol pregnant.
- Terrorists, unless they are the terrorists we like. And we like the terrorists who kill non-Christians, abortionists, socialists, Communists, anti capitalists, and who like snow machines.
- How gays and black people are going to hell.
- Democrats.
- What a sexual pervert David Letterman is.
- How Democrats and big government supporters are going to hell.
- Levi the big doody head.
- The Devil.
- Levi's strong sinewy muscle bound body that glistens in the night as he holds you in his young musky scented arms as he thrusts his young manhood inside you repeatedly while he hoarsely whispers, 'You're my favorite MILF' over and over again until he explodes like an atom bomb inside the womb that you thought wasn't fertile anymore.
- Wimpy husbands.
- Mexicans.
- Witches.
- Roman Catholics, because they aren't Christians anyways.
"Yes dear."
"You can't make jokes about:
- Jesus.
- our family.
- snow machines.
- people who love Jesus, our family, and snow machines.
- vibrating objects.
- my wardrobe.
- whoever Jesus chooses to be the Republican Presidential nominee.
- Phyllis Schlafly.
- Baptists.
- evangelicals.
- people who shoot wolves from helicopters.
- people who speak in tongues.
- Did I say Jesus already?
- Just in case he's listening or if he reads this blog, Jesus.
"Yes dear."
"Is that all you can say Todd?"
"No dear."
"Prove it. What else can you say Todd?"
"Fine. You asked for it. Every day I pray that death takes me so I won't have to listen to your grating voice anymore. I wish I hadn't let my penis talk me into marrying your crazy ass. I wish..."
"Okee, dokee, then. That's enough out of you Todd. I see I'm going to have to put your testicles back in the jar when we get home. That's all from us for now, don't forget to remember that big government is bad! And Jesus hates socialism! Yeah, you betcha!"
17 comments:
Thanks for providing this list of triggers for the Palin family. We must maintain a "safe space" for the king and queen of Wasilla.
It's amazing how much ginned-up outrage the radio folks like Levin and Hannity are generating over this. I mean, come on. A comedian tells a joke that's in poor taste. That's it. And it's generated days worth of commentary on the rightwing talk shows.
Losers.
Hilarious!!!!! And yet... so true.
Yes, she does seem to whip him like a freaking racehorse. You almost have to feel sorry for the guy. And daughter Bristol seems to be cut from the same piece of work. Given their rate of breeding, this dynasty of ball-crushers could go on forever!
What about turkey slaughtering machines?
Too too funny.
This was great, Dr. Monkey! I'm sure Todd really does feel that way!
Terrorists, unless they are the terrorists we like. And we like the terrorists who kill non-Christians, abortionists, socialists, Communists, anti capitalists, and who like snow machines.
ain't that the bleeping truth!
gays, hippies, left handed people, feminists, men who bake
Dammit! I almost fulfill that entire list, but alas, I love my girlfriend, so I can't.
Also, Agi, that comment is All Fucked Up. I love it.
I think you can also add "women who need rape kits" to the list of no-no's.
Whew. Shooting wolves and/or moose from choppers is still fair game. I was getting worried for a minute.
David Letterman called and said to tell you you're hired!
For Alaskans those snake handling tongue slurpers sure do spend way too much time in the lower 48! Doesn't she have a state to run?
God bless 'ya Dr. Monkey *wink*!
If Palin's oldest teen daughter wasn't so sexually active as a 16-year-old, the rest of the world might not assume Willow is a tramp in waiting as well.
But trailer trash spans the length of the trailer, not just one bedroom of it.
Face it, the Palin women love to breed. To expect everyone to ignore that so's not to offend their phony sense of propriety is bullshit.
As for Sarah, why try to learn issues when you can appeal to people who think Parade magazine is cutting edge news?
I loved Letterman's apology.
"Sorry, I thought I was talking about the older, confirmed whore daughter..."
Excellent stuff and one can only hope that she will be her party's presumptive candidate in 2012.
Some days you just make me laugh till I pee you magnificent bastard....they do make it easy but when you dip so deep into the "Well of your Bitterness" all that comes up is comedy GOLD!
no wonder the oldest sun ran off to Iraq - it is much safer than being in the Todd and Sarah version of "Ozzie and Harriet"
Her response to Letterman's second apology:
"You betcha I'm glad he finally stepped up and did the right thing because our soldiers are fighting hard for our rights to be good Americans here in the heartland which is God's chosen Jesusland and all females of all ages especially minors should be respected for their virginal chastity irregardless of their behaviors because all mothers should step up to the plate and protect their young from pedophiles and dirty old men who exist only to victimize them with their first amendment rights which should be used only in wholesome and respectful ways unless they hate American and want our brave military men and women to die in battle at the hands of foreigners who hate God and Americans and want us to fail."
GOD I WISH I COULD SMACK THIS WOMAN IN THE FACE WITH A LARGE SALMON!
Post a Comment