Cooking with Dr. Monkey

Today's episode: Bloopers and outtakes!

I know this may come as a shock to some of you but I am not perfect and sometimes neither is my cooking. But most of the time that imperfect cooking doesn't make it into these 'Cooking with Dr. Monkey' posts. Until now that it is. After doing literally tens of good cooking posts it's time to do a cooking post that lifts the lid off my culinary skills and shows you the soft white underbelly of my kitchen.

First off, the eagle eyed among you will notice that these are 'Cooking with...' not 'Baking with...' posts. The reason for that is because I can't bake worth a damn. My cakes are heavier than a truck load of bricks. Pies that I make are considered weapons of culinary destruction by the United Nations. And my cookies are so spongy the EPA uses them to mop up oil slicks. I bake only one thing well and that's banana bread. Luckily for me we live about three blocks from a bakery that makes kick ass bread and I also live with Sparky who can bake bread, cookies, pies,and cakes, when she wants to that is. Here's a shot of me cursing the dark gods of baking: Luckily for you I don't do a post about every thing I make us for dinner because sometimes what I make sucks hairy balls. For instance one night before we moved out of our old condo I made a vegetable curry that was so bad it was nearly toxic. I had to bury it out in the back yard because I was afraid it was going to somehow come to life and have enough primitive intelligence to know that I had inflicted it upon the world and that it would hunt me down and make me pay by imprisoning me in a tub of tepid bath water while it sang Barry Manilow songs to me for the rest of my life.

And now to liven things up a bit in this post, here's my Whiskeymarie impression:
Woot, that was fun, huh. Yeah I thought so too. Suck it Whiskey, you got nothing on me girl! Is your sink as full of dirty dishes as mine is? I didn't think so Miss Perfect, so nah nah nah.
Look closely at the above picture and you can see my toothbrush! Oh hey, here's a bit of trivia for you, did you know that the toothbrush was invented here in Tennessee? Yes, it sure was. You know how we know it was? If it had been invented anywhere else it would have been called a 'teeth' brush! Thanks. I'm here all week. Try the tofurky and don't forget to tip your waitress on your way out.

Who's ready for an artsy shot of my the kitchen where I work my culinary magic?
Oh. No one was. Well, uh, ummm, sorry then.

I've been experimenting with some low fat versions of some old favorite dishes and here's how all that has been going:
For some reason Sparky hasn't taken a liking to my version of Swedish Meatballs. Yet. I've got a few months to convince her though, Annika's visa doesn't run out until April.

I was working the kinks out of a Beef Wellington recipe. The first time I made it it came out looking like this:

The second time I made it it came out looking like this:

The third time I made it it came out looking like two Korean boy paper dolls in traditional dress:

There will not be a fourth time.

********

And finally let's end on a positive note with a picture of me giving the bird to a piece of flat bread: Now that's something you don't see every day. No need to thank me for showing it to you, it's all part of the majesty that is Monkey.