That's the way the cookies crumble

As we set out for the cookie making festivities in Knoxville yesterday it began to snow. We got a few flurries at first and then the sky opened up and it poured snow as we made our way down the highway. Near whiteout conditions prevailed for many many miles but I did not let it stop me, okay so maybe I exaggerate, but I swear at points the snow was sticking to the interstate and or blowing like crazy. I drove on knowing that there were many cookies to be made, many people to see, many bad jokes to be made, and a few beers to be drunk at our destination. The snow and bitter cold were not going to keep us from attending one of our beloved holiday traditions. And so boys and girls, after a little over an hour and a half of heroic driving, which was mixed in with a good bit of whining on my part, we arrived at our friends Todd and Donna's place.

We said our hellos to our hostwho was 'kickin' it West Coast style' as my peeps in the street say. And found our hostess who was, as you can plainly see, already drinking. Have no fear though, we hobbled her so that she could not drive later. No need to thank me, I'm just doing my part as a conscientious citizen.

Whoever said that strangers are just friends you haven't met yet has never been to a cookie making party at the Covert's house. There were a ton of new people at this years party and as usual I forgot their names almost as soon as they were introduced to me. Screw it though, lets meet some of the new folks. The cute gal in the plain apron was working too hard to put up with my nonsense. The little gal behind her I'm pretty sure she just wandered because she was enticed by the smell of baked goods. The woman washing dishes I met last year. She thought she'd make me remember her name by wearing an apron with her name on it. Ha! I foiled her plans by staring her her boobs when I talked to her. That'll teach her to try to make me learn when I don't want to.

The blurry gal tried asked me to stop taking her photo. I got a pretty strong vibe that she was in the Witness Protection program or something but I'm an inconsiderate bastard and I took her photo anyway. Look at the guy and the gal in the background, they weren't making cookies, they were eating them! Egad! If you look above the beardy guy's head you can see that Donna has Santa's balls in a jar on top of that shelf. No wonder the guy comes only once a year. Zing! Thank you, thank you, I'm here all week. Try the Tofurkey and don't forget to tip your waitress after the show. Here's more new people making cookies. The only one who's name I remember is the gal on the left, her name is Sarah. I hope she forgets that I used this unflattering picture of her by the time next year's party rolls around. In addition to remembering Sarah's name, I remembered the names of some other people as well.
This is Donna's boss Jaycene (I'm not sure if I'm spelling her name right but come on people, I did good just to remember it!). You can power a small subdivision with the energy produced from Jaycene's smile. I knew Jaycene from my days when I was in Knoxville's only performing improv comedy group. She'd come to see the show and even if we sucked on the nights she came she would always tell us we did a good job.

I also remembered this gal's name. Her name is Sparky. Isn't she cute? The gal with the arrows pointing to her is Cathy. For the second year in a row Cathy is the MVP of the party. She baked her booty off and made sure things ran like clockwork. I'm pretty sure I named her MVP of the party last year so once again she'll receive either a lovely gift pack valued at over $10,000 or she'll get the sincere thanks of a smart ass party goer.

But of course the main purpose of the party is to make cookies. Here's some gratuitous cookies shots: Ha! I just threw that last one in to see if you were paying attention. When I saw people rolling these little balls of dough up I began making all sorts of ball jokes. I'd repeat a few here but this is a family blog god damn it. And there's no fucking place for smutty jokes about nuts. Speaking of nuts though, when the spicy nuts came out of the oven I put some on my chin and I said, "Hey look, I've got hot nuts on my chin! Who among you hasn't had hot spicy nuts on your chin at one time or another?" Some people didn't spprecitate my 'humor' and they fled down stairs where they enjoyed the song stylings of Todd and his buddy who's name I forgot. Todd is a very talented guitar player and singer. He digs Elvis Costello maybe even more than I do and we both appreciate Elvis's lovely Canadian wife Diana Krall. Mmmmmmm, Diana Krall, hubba hubba. He sang and played a bunch and his buddy backed him up on that thing in his lap. It's called a Zen Drum and it's got a bazillion drum sounds in it, all you have to do it to hook it up and press the big black buttons.

All in all we had a good time, as we do every year. It's nice seeing our old friends and meeting so many new friends. It's even nicer getting to take a big tin of freshly baked cookies home at the end of the night. Thanks for having us Donna and Todd! Happy Christmas you crazy kids!