Who's outraged today?

Washington DC lobbyist and Bush McCain campaign flunky Nancy Pootycooter:

"I'm outraged more people don't want a third Bush term like I do. Me and my rich lobbyist friends did really well under the first two scandal plagued terms of Bush McCain, so we'd really clean up in the third one."

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Democratic Party traitor and insider James Carville:

"I'm outraged I got stuck with Mary Matalin when I could have been nailing Nancy Pootycooter. Seriously, what the hell was I thinking marrying horsey ol' Mary when I could have had a fine piece of steak like Pootypants."

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Salma Hayek:

"I'm outraged that Dr. Monkey has not put me on his blog more often. I used to be on here all the time, now I'm hardly ever on here. What's up with that shit Monkey?"

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Cindy McCain:"I'm outraged that you took a photo of me with out all my make up on. I look terrible! My two lady friends look better than I do right now. I'll get you for this, I swear it."

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Cletus P. Bledsoe Jr. the third:

"I'm upset that we got an uppity negro running for President. I like all my Presidents to be lily white like my purty backside."

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Republican gadfly Ron Paul:

"I'm outraged that I have to pay taxes. I don't want to pay taxes. The government should not collect taxes or do things for people. Only corporations and big business should be doing things for people and they should only do it for a profit. Hey, I think I crapped my pants again, can I have another cookie and some Thorazine?"

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Former POW and current cause of partisan gridlock in Washington DC John Bush-McCain:

"I'm outraged that I had to wait so long to be President! I was entitled to it years ago! My daddy was an admiral and so was my grandfather, so that means I get to be President. If you don't elect me I'll kick your motherf*cking ass you damn pansy!"

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A cute little piggy:

"I'm outraged that people keep using the word 'pig' and Sarah Palin in the same sentence. We're much cuter than she is and we don't want the government to tell you what to do with your body. And we don't go around telling people to pray to some wrathful diety who hates gay people for stupid shit like natural gas pipelines. Oh yeah, we also don't go around saying that the immoral war in Iraq is 'God's will' either. Vote Obama/Biden '08!"