I'm crushing your head

I'm not a curmudgeon but...

• if one more teenager or 20 something gives me "the look" for not thanking them for doing their job then I may snap their necks. I'll thank you people when you do something special.
• it's pronounced "App-uh-latch-uh" not "App-uh-lay-cha."
• if five cars pass you on the right side of the highway then it's time you got your slow ass out of the left hand lane.
• if I never have any one pray for me or try to tell me about the "good news" about Jesus H. Fucking Christ again it'll be too soon. I've heard your spiels before and nothing you can say will make me believe in your stone age religion.
• I wish I could equip deer with high powered rifles so they could shoot back at the idiots who go out and shoot at them.
• when it's 90 degrees Fahrenheit and the sun is shining so brightly that it almost burns your retinas, it's still not a good idea to give your children under the age of 10 that 24 ounce bottle of Pepsi to chug down. Try giving that kid some water instead.
• I can make fun of the south and southern people, if you don't live here then you can't. Your jokes about us being inbred or just getting indoor plumbing aren't funny any more, in fact, they make you look like an ignorant reactionary who clings to regional stereotypes because you don't know any better.
• I'm adding Gary Sinse to the list of actors whose movies I'll never rent or pay to see again. And I'm adding Jon Voight to that list as well.
• I don't "do" Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, or any of those other social networking sites. I just don't and I won't, so don't bother asking. And I don't text either. And I'll never ever give out my cell #. I blog, I surf the net, I do email and I do telephone, but I'm at my best when I'm face to face with you.