Friday, August 8, 2008

I tried to get out but they pulled me back in

The first time I got some mail from the IRS telling me I could get a stimulus check I just ignored it because I didn't feel like I should get one since I didn't work last year, or the year before that and I won't work this year for that matter. I'm retired due to health reasons that I've written about on here before, and for those of you new to the blog those health reasons are the fact that I had a bad heart and I didn't know it until I had a massive heart attack that nearly killed me. The subsequent quadruple bypass surgery helped me but it did not cure any of the long standing damage that I had done to my heart from years of neglect and from years of smoking, both tobacco and marijuana. I'm not an invalid now and neither am I "handicapped," but I am classified as disabled and so I get a Social Security disability payment every month.

I was more than ready to let our government keep that $600 that they wanted to send me, they are deeper in debt than I am, they've got a war of terror to fight after all.
But they can't leave well enough alone. I got a letter in the mail today from the IRS telling me that it was not too late to file a tax return, something I have not done since 2005, so that I can get that economic stimulus check. Hell, if they're so fired up that I file way late just so I can have them turn around and send me $600, I figured why the hell shouldn't I? I can't look a gift horse in the mouth can I? So I bit the bullet and filled out the form the way they instructed me to and I'll be sending it off tomorrow.

If you ask me it's still a pretty fucked up situation. My disability income is non taxable so I don't file any tax returns, but they want me to file one so I can get my George W. "hush money" check. Well all right then, I'll file to get money that shouldn't be coming to me and I'll take that cash and do something crazy with it. If I get it in time I'll donate some to the Obama campaign and if the election is already over then I'll give some to Amnesty International or the United Negro College Fund (either one would piss off the Bushies, and hopefully we'll be in a new to us house by then and I'll put the rest on a recliner or something. Or maybe I'll buy some porn mags and send them to our soldiers who are trapped in Iraq fighting for corporate America.

6 comments:

Elizabeth said...

You're full of good ideas for your "hush money" check.

I'm very sorry to hear of your health problems, Dr. Monkey. I had no idea. Here I was, cavalier-ly commenting and cavorting all over the place on your blog, never knowing you'd been through so much. I hope that things improve for you.

Here's a little story about what Mr.OM did with his "hush money" Hushola. He never wanted that stupid check, and didn't know what he was going to do with it. He didn't want to cash it. He wanted to protest, to make a statement.

I suggested he do what all conscientious citizens do when we receive unsolicited and unwanted mail: mark it "REFUSED. RETURN TO SENDER."

He was filled with glee at the suggestion. He not only marked the Hushola envelope "REFUSED," he got 12 (his daughter) to film him putting the "REFUSED" envelope back into the mailbox, while I acted as an interviewer, asking him why he was protesting the Hushola.

THEN, he posted it on YouTube.

That was a fun day.

Odile said...

Well I said take the money and bought the porn to the soldiers (I´m mexican so can´t understad the feeling of having people kill in that stupid war) nothing fits better with war than porn, just don´t forget there are women there.

Your gov is really... I don´t have adjectives, the country is in crissis and they are given money for free (sounds stupid isn´t it? oh my grammar!)just to stimulate the economy, that doesn´t create inflación? well I´m not economist so I really don´t understad...

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

enc-Take it easy hon, you're not going to kill me by "...cavalier-ly commenting and cavorting all over the place on your blog...." My health is very stable and I'm not about to kick the bucket anytime soon. So feel free to continue to cavort and comment. More people have been through worse than I have, expecially the Iraqi people whose country we are occupying.

Mnmom said...

I took the hush money and spent it on bills but God Damn I WILL NEVER HUSH UP!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Lots of people are spending their checks on porn subscriptions. Makes a great gift!

Spirula said...

Dr. von Monkerstein,

I am relatively new to your blog (comment infrequently) but I do recall you mentioning your big HA. I didn't know about the consequent impact of said event.

I bid you long life. I like what you write and how well you write it. I'm even jealous of your writing talent.

But I can live with that.

For a long time.