Friday, June 27, 2008

Let's take a look at holidays from around the world!

First up is Two's Day which is celebrated in Denmark, Sweden, and parts of Norway. This holiday takes place on the first warm day of spring and it celebrates all those who made it through the harsh Scandinavian winter with two arms, two legs, and two eyes still intact. Understandably amputees and those born with less than the usual number of limbs are not allowed to take part in any Two's Day celebrations.
Jewish Mother's Day is celebrated only when a Jewish mother's no good ungrateful kids finally come home and do all the things around the house they promised to do last month. After the children, who are all grown and live away from the family home, finish the chores they spend the rest of the day thanking their mother for bringing them into the world and they try to make up for the excruciating pain they caused her during childbirth.

Breed Like Rabbits Day is celebrated most anywhere where there are Mormons. Before and after breeding copious amounts of green Jello are eaten along with hard boiled eggs and spoon fulls of Miracle Whip.

Wear Your Table Linens Day is celebrated in parts of Queens and Staten Island on August 30th by large brunette women of Italian and Greek descent. The women wear the table linen in an attempt to make themselves look even more outlandish than their hairdos already make them look. The patron Saint of this holiday is Saint Bambi Gulietta, who is patron saint of the befuddled, the incontinent, and the absurd.

Krazy Klowns 4 Khrist Day is celebrated on Oct. 13 in Rockford, Illinois. All Khristian Klowns from around the world stop annoying others with their weak attempts at evangelizing and entertaining and they descend on Rockford in order to try to cheer one another up, toss anthrax spores at non Khristians, and play Candyland for a couple of hours. Then after lunch the literally tens of clowns show each other how they each try to depict the holy spirit in balloon animal form. The good people of Rockford, Illinois have tried for the last five years to get the Klowns to move their get together to Aumsville, OR but so far they have had no success.

Jump For Joy Day is celebrated in the Shetland islands off the coast of Scotland whenever a woman named Joy is kidnapped from her tourist group. The locals dress in outlandish costumes and pretend to be Germans. They then force the woman named Joy to dress in unflattering floral prints while the men compete for her hand in marriage by seeing who can jump the highest. If your hat falls off while you jump then you are disqualified and you are forced to move to Northern Ireland and become Ian Paisley's bathtub buddy.

And finally we come to Hoo Boy Did You See What I Pulled Out Of My Colon Day, which is a holiday that is celebrated in Alice Springs, Australia. The locals get drunker than they usually do and they try to stuff all sorts of things, mostly meat related products, into their colons and then when they wake up the next day they have lots of laughs as they pull out what they stuffed inside themselves the day before. If meat rations are low then some enterprising antipodeans use beer steins, wheels of cheese, small barrels, and Aborigine children. Last years winner managed to fit a Yugo, a set of Samsonite luggage, and four didgeridoos in his colon. Sadly for him though, only the luggage came out.

13 comments:

PJ said...

Ooh, great post. Very informative.

My fave day is Bring your Monkey to Work Day, when we can dress up our monkeys, take them on the tube, and set them on our bosses.

Übermilf said...

You're not mocking sausage in that last one, are you?

Because if you are, we've got problems.

You don't want to piss off the sausage people.

Trust me.

Little Merry Sunshine said...

I was unaware of these holidays and thank you for the public service you provided.

Where can I pick up a "Hoo Boy Did You See What I Pulled Out of My Colon Day" card?

CDP said...

You outdid yourself in silliness with this one, Dr. Monkey. Bravo.

dguzman said...

All I want to know is--on which of these holidays do we get to take off work?

Bubs said...

I want to know how you raided my photo archive for #3 and #5.

Missy said...

I can't wait to nab a Joy and jump and jump!

I hope no one pulls a tourist named Joy out of their colon.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I love how on leap years, all these holidays fall on the same day. Then there is really a reason to celebrate.

Mnmom said...

I'll lobby my employer to add these to the paid holidays list. Can't wait!!!

Suzy said...

You are a VERY BAD monkey! I almost peed my pants over the last one.

Suzy said...

Hey, PJ (and good Dr. Monk) -- At our house we celebrate Monkey Day on November 11. And twice a day, every day, we get Monkey Time, 11:11! Ook!

Ed said...

I suspect that your engaging in what some people call fakelore, Dr. Monkey. I base my suspicion on the fact that Suzy and I used to be members of an international folk dance performing group and one of the suites of dances we had in our repertoire was from the Dunántúl region of Hungary. Oddly, the costumes were identical to the ones in your photo for Jump For Joy Day. Shame on you for spreading misinformation across the internets! How can I trust anything you write ever again? I thoroughly enjoyed the post, though.

Madam Z said...

A monkey who is an expert on international holidays! What will they think of next?

P.S. I think the chef in the final picture has pulled out his entire colon.