Thursday, June 5, 2008

The hate list (TV edition)

I'm currently hatin' like crazy on the following people and or shows on TV:
1) I despise this show and every one on it. I have never watched a full episode of it and I resent it's outsized influence on our popular culture.
2) The Travel Channel cannot cancel this guy's show fast enough for me.His whole shtick is he goes all around the country and the world eating shit food and going, "Mmmm, ooohhh, that is good! Animal penises are really good! I love animal penises. Seriously, animal penises, what's better than that? Nothing. Well okay, maybe animal assholes but that's it. Mmmm. Ooooooohhhhhhh."
3) Both incarnations of What Not To Wear and the insufferable twats who host them.If people hate British females it's because of these two "women." I've never wanted to slap the shit out of any one more than I did when the one on the left told a woman, "You shut up and do what you're told."
And these two women are just as bad. Oooo, let's all bow down to the taste police. Let's let a couple of catty gals decide everything fashion wise. Or how about this, let's don't. And while we're at it, let's actively ignore them all from now on.
4) Chris Matthews, Tim Russert, Joe Scarboro, that female they keep drugged and chained to the chair next to Joe Scarboro, Chris Berman when he does "play by play" on baseball games on ESPN, and everyone on every religious TV show on the airwaves.
5) The food harpy Gail Simmons. If this gal was half the hottie she though she was then she'd suck all the sex appeal off the planet. If I was on Top Chef and my fate was in her hands, I'd gut myself on national television and I'd deep fry my innards and make her eat them.
6) I got nothing but love for Obama, Charlie Rangel, and most every other black politician but I'll have nothing but contempt for this turd in the political punch bowl:
Harold Ford Jr, late of TN, would sell us out in a heart beat if he thought it would endear him to corporate America, to "centerist" circles (when I say centerist he hears Republican lite), or to his media overlords. Harry thinks that because he lived and represented a state that voted Republican in the past few Presidential elections that he's got to be a conservative's conservative Democrat. He thinks we all want Bush lite and that we all shun Nancy Pelosi and Jessee Jackson/Al Sharpton/Tom Harkin style liberalism. Well Hank, I got news for you, not all of us in TN think like you do. Some of us don't want bipartisan politics if it means we have to be like Republicans. Some of us still believe in the party of FDR and LBJ, and we don't want people who claim to be Democrats to be like GWB. Got it?
7) Constant repeats of every Law and Order series. Enough. We've had enough. Stop airing them. I'm begging you.
8) The current crap line up on BBC America. If back to back episodes of Top Gear, Gordon Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares, Torchwood, and that hideous new Robin Hood, represent the best in British TV programming, then it's no fucking wonder why people in England love American TV shows.
9) Can someone please leave Larry King's coffin open in the daylight? Or can someone drive a sharpened wooden cross through his undead vampire heart? Is there no one who will step up to the plate and make him get the hell off the airwaves? Anyone? Please? No? Damn.
10) Note to VH1 Classic, you should have stopped running that same history of heavy metal series after it's seven hundredth showing. There's only so many times people can stomach the riveting story of how Judas Priest and Black Sabbath conquered the metal scene in the UK in the mid seventies. And I'm pleading with you to can the endless showing of Kiss concerts. Kiss stopped being cool back in...oh wait, they never were cool.
That's all for now but I reserve the right to hate on more TV stuff at any time.

9 comments:

Joe said...

That's quite a list.

I'd been wondering why Ford was turning up on TV so much, and even more surprised when I heard his shtick. For a guy who lost partly because of a classic rightwing GOP race smear ad, he sure seems accommodating.

Spirula said...

I concur with almost all. The few I don't (Top Chef, What not to Wear) I've never seen. Even though I've only seen a few snippets of Idol, that was more than enough to kick the gag reflex in. Horrible!

I would also add the SciFi channel. Their crappy D grade "made for" movies are so awful they don't even qualify for campy fun.

Oh, and Discovery's Future Weapons cause that's some twisted shit. With all the wonderful things in the natural world THAT is what they show!?

And kudo's to the History Channel for moving off the war porn and presenting The Universe. Hello Discovery! Where were you? Take a hint.

Claire said...

I love American Idol. And although I cannot stand the British WNTW, I love Stacy and Clinton (not Nick the hair guy, though...nearly everyone's hair looks better before he gets his scissors on it).

dguzman said...

Lay off Clinton and Stacy! And Nick! I think they make people look way better than they did when they came in. I myself would NEVER want to be on that show, because I believe it's morally wrong to spend five thousand effing bucks on CLOTHING and SHOES, but still.

Other than that--your list RAWKS.

Ubermilf said...

You know what all of these shows have in common? They're all relentlessly the same, week after week after miserable week.

Perhaps it's the viewing equivalent of a treadmill without the positive health benefits?

Whiskeymarie said...

My hatred for Andrew Zi**ern burns with the heat of a thousand fiery suns. F**k him, f**k his dumb show.
That gasbag douchebag lives in St. Paul- did you know that??? I was in the "fancy" grocery store a while back and I hear this obnoxious dude TALKING REALLY LOUD SO EVERYONE CAN HEAR HOW COOL HE THINKS HE IS AND, OH? WHAT'S THAT? EVERYONE WANTS TO HEAR WHAT CHEESES I LIKE, YET NO ONE ACTUALLY ASKED? LET ME TELL YOU...

Guess who the obnoxious fartbag was.
If is little daughter hadn't been with him I would have been reeeeaaalll tempted to punch him in his tiny nutsack.

So, Whiskey, tell us how you REALLY feel...

I hate Stacy and Clinton too.

But I love kitties, rainbows and unicorns.

joshhill1021 said...

I agree with most of this, but I do have to say that I did like the first season of Robin Hood on BBC, but really only cause the women who plays Marian was so Hott IMHO.

Micgar said...

I don't watch TV much at all, but WNTW is a show I avoid. In fact, I avoid all those fashion and home show-shows!
Other than that, I dont know watch those shows all that much.
About Kiss- yeah never cool! Never Cool!

Missy said...

Yeah, he used to just be Chef Andrew on the local morning show, teaching you how to make Blooming Onions and things.

Meanwhile, if they stop replaying Law and Order I fear the fate of my husband. Much like a daily cup of coffee (or 6), he needs his Law and Order daily to be sustainable.