Friday, March 14, 2008

Let's go back once again down deep in the bowels of the White House

(Our sensitive White House mics picked up this conversation recently.)

Dang, who left the TV on down here? Must have been Not Jenna, she watches all those smart aleck shows on all them fancy dan news networks. What's that say? Am I an idiot? Heh heh heh, I may be, but I'm still President until I leave heh heh heh. Damn I looked good in that suit. And my finger smelled real good that day too. I remember it like it was yesterday, hell it could have been yesterday for all I know. Hang on, what did I do yesterday?
Was yesterday the day I wore them fancy silky dresses with Pooter and that Chinaman?
No sir.
No? Who said that? Who's there?
It's me daddy. Jenna.
Oh hey baby girl, come here and give daddy some body sugar.
Num num nums, that makes Daddy feel so good when you rub up against him honey.
Umm Daddy, this is kind of creeping me out. I'm getting married soon so can we stop this kind of thing now?
In a minute baby, Daddy is almost there. He's almost to his happy place. Talk dirty to me honey and this'll go faster.
Oh ok, if you promise to hurry it up. Nancy Pelosi, Hillary Clinton...
Yeah baby. More.
Medicaid, welfare checks...
Oh baby, you're so nasty....
Daddy, hurry up!
Almost...there...say it...baby doll...
TAX CUTS!!!!
Aieeeeeeeeeee, yes oh yes.
You know how to make Daddy feel good don't you? What am I gonna do without you? How am I gonna get along when you get married?
You'll manage. Maybe you'll get Mom to rub up against you.
(Our mics picked up a thumping sound.)
Hey, I recognize that beat, it's my Negro friends! Go let them in Jenna and then you run along.
Yo Prezi-dizzle, what up hometown?
Not much a nothing guys. I'm just sitting around doing my simple President thang. You know, I'm keeping it real for you black soul brother men.
(A phone rings.)
Hello? Karl is that you? I can't hear you. Speak up dang it. Karl? Karl? Aww screw you, whoever you are. If you ain't going to speak up then I'm gonna hang up!
Yo, Dub-a-dizzle, you had the phone all backwards and shit. We told you about that shit last time we hung with you.
Oh yeah. Heh heh heh, I forgot. Hey you guys got any Chronic on your bad selves? I sure could use something to relax me. I'm all worried about this Iraq war stuff. I think I might have made a mistake in sending our boys over there. I think maybe we're in a quagmire we can never get out of. I think maybe I've squandered too much of our country's money over there. I also may have fucked up by cutting taxes so much on my rich friends, the remaining tax burden on the working class and the poor may be too much for them to bear.
(All three men erupt in laughter.)
Dang G, you almost got through that with out crackin' up.
It's a good thing I'm not stoned yet or I'd be on the floor laughing my ass off. Pass me that joint my dusky black a Moor buddy.
(The room falls silent as the men smoke up. Then a loud female voice is heard.)
George? Are you down there smoking in the basement again?
Oh shit! It's Mom!
Later Prez-i-dizzle Dub-a-dizzle, we're out of here. Your Moms scares the shizzle out of us.
Okay fellers, ya'll be good. Thanks for the buzz! Bye now!
George? What are you doing down there?
Don't come down here Mom, I'm not smoking pot I promise. I'm just choking my chicken, that's all!
Man, I love being President. After I finish choking my chicken, I'm gonna cut taxes for my buddies once more and then I'll bomb Iran before my buzz wears off. Hail to the Chief bitches!!!!

13 comments:

Dr. Zaius said...

Eek! He is going talk about bling, like Romney did. You have been tagged. (My apologies.)

Randal Graves said...

HA! Who let the chickens out! At least there aren't any photos of Chimp raising the roof.

dguzman said...

I have no words....

Anonymous said...

Hey look, it's King Jethro.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I think you are likely frighteningly close to the truth.

Angry Ballerina said...

Normally I would NEVER make fun of a man wearing any sort of thing resembling a dress.

That being said


DUDE YOU'RE A RETARD

I'm so eloquent in my insults.

Mnmom said...

He IS a retard, and I never use that word.
When I saw this blog title my first thought was "oh, let's not".

Ubermilf said...

I hope I get to sit next to you in detention camp.

Angry Ballerina said...

I hope I get to sit next to him in hell.........

Distributorcap said...

worst.human.ever

Micgar said...

No wonder he acts like that!

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Dr. Z-I'm mulling over if I am going to d that tag or not. Give me a month or so to think about it.

DGuz-You have a few words.

Kirby-Yep.

Barb-But I wish I wasn't.

Angry-Dorothy Parker you're not hon.

MNMom-It's always an adventure when we go there.

Ubermilf-I'm a load of laughs in detention.

Angry-We can chat while we get anally raped by Mormons in hell.

Dcap-I tend to agree.

Micgar-You got it.

Mauigirl said...

Great post, sadly too true.