A New Year Greeting from President Bush

'Sup Amurica. How ya'll doin'? Ahm good 'n' so is Barbara, oops, Ah mean Laura. Harvey is good too. We're all good 'n' Ah hope ya'll 'r' good too. Ah want to wish ya'll a happy new year and Ah want to let you'ns know about some of the thangs Ah got in store for the upcoming year.


First off, Ahm gonna continue the war of terror. It's workin' like a charm Amurica. We bagged us a big ol' terrorist a few days ago in Pakistan when we kilt off that Boo-toe chick. She was gonna try to take over Pakiland from my buddy Moosharf, but thankfully we stopped her. Look for more of this type of stuff later this year.

Up next, Ah know ya'll make fun of me for being not too bright Amurica, so Ahm gonna get me some fancy book learnin' on. Ah joined a book group and we're gonna read and discuss the some of the novels of Gunter Grass.


Mah book club is vurry exclusive. Other members include Jenna's husband to be,
Dolly Parton,

Fonzi,

and my lil' buddy from Der Fatherland, Angela Merkel.

Were gonna read these books and look out fer examples of the dislocation of the modern German soul as it tries to cope with the brutal industrialization of east and west Germany. Were also gonna view these books through the prism of capitalism run amok as it relates to the teachings and orthodoxy of Pope Benedict. Aww shit Amurica, Ahm jist kiddin'! Ah ain't gonna read any dang books, Ah never did before, so why start now? Haw haw haw, ya'll almost fell fer that book readin' shit didn't ya?


Aside from keepin' on with the war of terror Ahm gonna start swinging. That's right Amurica, Ahm gonna start sleeping around, sharing the ol' Presidential sausage, dipping the Commander In Chief wick in other candles, if ya knows what Ah mean.
Ah bought me some swingin' music and Ahm gonna join up with Jenna, Not Jenna, and my neice, Noelle Xanax Bush, and we're all gonna be members at the Potomac Poontang and Ding Dong Club. Don't ya'll worry about me doin' anything funny with mah daughters, Ah had me a vasectomy so Ah can't git 'em pregnant.


Next up on mah list of stuff to do this year is to re-enact scenes from The Matrix more often in the oval office.

Ah really dig that flick Amurica. Ah especially dig that chick Trinity. She's real putry in an ass kickin' kind of way. Plus she looks totally hot in them rubber dresses.
Ah'd like to git her all riled up and sweaty when she's wearing one of them thangs and then me 'n' her 'n' Tom Jones could all git in a pile and kiss 'n' stuff.
Oh shit, did Ah jist say that last part about me 'n' Tom 'n' that rubber dress wearin' Matrix gal all kissin' in a pile out loud? Ummm, if Ah did, Ah didn't mean it. Ahm not like Larry Craig and Ah never have been like Larry Craig. Not now or ever. What Ah meant to say was that Ah'd like me 'n' sweaty shiny rubber dress gal 'n' googly eyed Tom Jones to all go hunt fer bigfoot.

Nah, not that bigfoot, Ah meant this bigfoot:

Ah'd let Tom drive and Ah'd sit between him and Trinity and we'd all take swigs of moonshine

and run over evildoers cars and then after we run out of gas we'd all go get sweaty and get in a pile 'n' kiss 'n' stuff. Shit. Ah said it again didn't Ah? It's time fer me to go Amurica. Ah done said too much. Happy new year ya'll and if you're listenin' in to me Tom and Trinity, ya'll give me a call now, ya hear!