Friday, January 25, 2008

Dr. Monkey's Double Dose of Cinema

I saw this the other day:
And as much as it pains me to say anything bad about a Reece Witherspoon film, avoid this one. It was long, dull, and lifeless. Sure Reece was cute in it and boy do her boobs look good all pushed up and out but they could not save this movie. Neither could the Irish gal who was in I Capture the Castle. I was sorely unimpressed with this film and with Mira Nair's direction of it.

I saw this the other night:
Yes, I love Rachel Weisz and yes, I like Hugh Jackman, but did I like this movie? Oh hell to the no. It was one hundred and thirty six minutes of earth tones, extreme close ups, and people emoting all over the freakin' place. Ick, ick, ick. Hugh slays people, does bold lab research, and eats tree bark while living in a snow globe, Rachel slinks around looking hot, looking sick, and looking hot while she's sick, other people do some pointless shit, and Rachel's real life husband films it all. Hey you people who made this film, I want that hour and a half of my life back you pretentious bastards.

I saw both of these movies on the free HBO/Cinemax channels we've been getting for the past six months, so at least I didn't waste any of my filthy lucre on them like I had planned to do. So suck it Blockbuster, that ten of my dollars you didn't get for two long films that weren't very good at all.

12 comments:

Crayons said...

These are astute movie reviews. Thanks for sparing me the annoyance of seeing them. I already had my suspicions about Vanity Fair.

Distributorcap said...

thanks for watching so i didnt have to

8-)

dguzman said...

I told Rachel not to listen to that no-good husband of hers, but did she listen? No. Was I right? Yes. So there.

Claire said...

I love Reese, but as Becky Sharp? I do not think so. I've never even heard of the other one!

Mnmom said...

Seen any of the Oscar nominees? I haven't seen even ONE of them. I'm so out of touch with pop culture.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I had heard that Vanity Fair rather stunk, but had not even heard of the Fountain. Thanks for the warning. I shall save my coins.

Missy said...

I have seen both and I agree on both points. Good Monkey!

Anonymous said...

That version of Vanity Fair sucked more than anything that has ever sucked before. I know they have to Hollywood up the endings of movies, but jeebus, come on. That was just wrong. The director of that movie should spend an eternity in hell getting skullfucked by Thackeray.

Romius T. said...

i really wanted to like the fountain head but it sucked asss

Suzy said...

I just watch "Big Bird in China" over and over again, and I'm never disappointed.

Missy said...

Big bird moved to China?!?!?

No wonder they are rising to power!

Anonymous said...

I got free passes to The Fountain, so I got my money's worth.

But I kinda liked it....kinda.