Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Carl The Condom on the prospect of a Kucinich/Paul ticket in '08

Hi boys and girls! Carl the Condom here, Dr Monkey asked me to come by and explain to you why the Kucinich campaign has shot itself in the foot over this Ron Paul as Vice President thing.

You see boys and girls, Dennis Kucinich, if he is to be believed, represents the progressive thinking people across the country. He's pro union, he's anti NAFTA, he's for single payer not for profit universal health care for all, he's anti war, he's pro impeachment, he's pro active on the environment, he wants us to adhere to the Kyoto Protocols, and he wants to stop using war as an instrument of foreign policy. To accomplish much of what he wants to do will require us to keep the IRS and perhaps even to tax rich people and multi national corporations way more than they are today.

Now, let's examine what Ron Paul stands for. Ron Paul wants to abolish the IRS, he wants the corporations to have even more control over things because he believes government should be doing far far less than it is today. He wants to drag this country back to the '80's, the 1780's. He'd like to do away with things like OSHA, MSHA, Social Security, the NEA, Food Stamps, and all welfare, except for corporate welfare, in short he loves big business but he hates big government. That's basically what all Libertarians want. They want to keep all that money they pay in taxes and spend it on themselves. They don't want to let the government use that tax money to help the poor and the down trodden.

So, now what do Ron Paul and Dennis Kucinich have in common? Both oppose the war. That's it. Period. So, if you ask me, I'd say a Kucinich/Paul ticket would be a match made in hell because instead of sharing visions for the future of the USA, they have wildly divergent visions of the future.

So, if I wasn't a cynical old condom, I'd say this nonsense about Kucinich wanting Ron Paul as his Vice President was an attempt at stealing some of Ron Paul's momentum. But instead of bringing more people to the Kucinich campaign, it's already having the opposite effect, Dennis is losing progressive voters who are smart enough to know just what Ron Paul stands for. I'd also say this whole thing was generated to get attention, but you know kids, I could be wrong. After all I'm not a real person. I'm just a vintage condom who wears a hat and shorts and socks and shoes. It's not like I work for the Kucinich campaign or anything, those guys and gals are waaaaaaaaay smarter than I am!

Bye now, I'm off to get stuffed. Let's hope the next politician who screws you uses a condom like me!


Phydeaux Speaks said...

Preach it, Doc - err, Carl!

Randal Graves said...

This is fucking brilliant and depressing at the same time, so go to hell, and kudos.

O Dennis, why must thou now be a menace?

Freida Bee said...

OK. This talking condom thing rocks,by the way. A condom is a good thing to have on hand when the spewing of political opinions is occurring. So put 'er on.

Now, I am very attracted to Ron Paul's stance on the war and foreign relations and think that he is the only other honest human being in the race, besides Kucinich (and Gravel.)

Why did you recently vote against impeachment though,Ron Paul? ¿Por què?

I'll probably ultimately vote for Gore or Colbert, but seriously, given a choice between Obama and Kucinich/ Paul (and Kucinich has little chance otherwise, but for them to break off into an independent ticket,) I'd have a difficult time deciding there. All of the other candidates sell out on a regular basis and I admire Kucinich's forthrightness on this matter. He and Paul may be coming from differing ends of the political spectrum, but I get the impression they would do things like compromise and have intelligent conversations (WHAT?), not perpetuate the status quo and really, he has so little chance otherwise. And we are talking about Kucinich headlining right?

Really, we are at risk of Giuliani and Romney winning. Oh, crap, a Ron Paul/ Kucinich independent ticket would likely take away from the Hilary's or Obama's votes,increasing those risks. Double Crap.

Since we're screwed, I'm glad we have a condom on hand.

This was a moment in the conflicted mind of Freida Bee. Get back to your dinner.

vikkitikkitavi said...

Just a little reminder that there is no such thing as an uncompromised politician.

Liberality said...

oh Dr M. you just crack me up, "I'm off to go get stuffed. Let's hope the next politician who
screws you uses a condom like me!" how can the truth about this theoretical ticket be so painful and yet so funny! and yet you manage it.

dguzman said...

A little lubrication wouldn't hurt either, Carl.

The Idea Of Progress said...

On the wackiness level, it'd be amusing, but it makes about as much sense as a Obama/ Osama ticket.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Phydeaux-I thank you and carl thanks you.

Randal-Up yours and thanks.

Freida-A rain coat never hurt anyone.

Vikki-You tried to warn me but did I listen? Oh no.

Liberality-I'm glad I could give my fave Indiana librarian gal a laugh. :)

Dguz-Egads! Lubrication? What's next foreplay?

Idea-It's as wacky as a bologna and 10w40 sandwich.

Blueberry said...

That's as whacked as Gore/Lieberman, except that Lieberman was posing as a Democrat, and Paul is posing as a Republican. Paul scares me. a lot of Dems seem to be mistaking him for something he isn't, just because he's against Bush and the war(s). He's got a lot of support around my area from the usually-liberal people, and it's just for that reason. In fact, I think a lot of registered Dems will register Repug just to vote for him in the Primary, and that will make our area look pink when it isn't. Boo on Paul.

Romius T. said...

absolutely correct!