Thursday, August 9, 2007

A League of Mullets Movie Review

Yo, we watched Blind Beast and here is our review: This wild as hell Japanese movie was made in 1969 and it probably was shocking and forward thinking for it's time but now it's just shockingly silly.The film is about a hot model (played by Mako Midori) who gets kidnapped by a blind sculptor (played by Eiji Funakoshi) who has heard about how hot she is. He wants to make a sculpture of her body, which he considers the pinnacle of the female form, and with his sculpture of her naked body he hopes to invent a new type of art made by the blind for the blind, an art that reveals how great the art of touching is. Naturally the young model, who is at the peak of her career naturally, objects to being kidnapped and tries to escape. Unfortunately for her the blind sculptor's mother (played by Noriko Sengkou) helps her son keep the model trapped inside the studio. Eventually though the model comes to accept her fate, falls in love with her captor, becomes his lover, and the two descend into a sado-masochistic pit of madness.

All we can say is wow, just freakin' wow. This movie is freakin' off the hook crazy. It's so wildly implausible that the blind man is able to not only "hear" about how hot the model is, let alone kidnap her, manage to get her to fall in love with him, and do all the rest of the crazy shit they do in the film.
The early scenes in his studio when he first kidnaps the model are screamingly over acted and cheesy as hell. The guy claims that all the huge boobs, eyes, noses, arms, and legs that he has sculpted and put on the studio walls are of women that he has fondled in the past when he was a full time blind masseur. He chases the model around the studio and they cavort all over the two big sculptures in the picture above. But of course since it's against the law to show pubic hair in Japanese movies neither of the sculptures has any hair down there and you never get to see the model's bush or the blind guy's pubes.The relationship between the mother and her blind son is one of restrained incestuous longing, especially on the mother's part, and when the model figures it out she exploits it for her gain. But she ends up killing the mother while trying to escape. Which of course means that she, the model, is now going to fall deeply in love with her captor. Got it? No? It didn't make sense to us either.
After they kill the mother the sculptor finally gets lucky and he bangs the model, who of course was a virgin as well! But sex between artist and model was not enough for these two crazy Nipponese lovers, no not at all. The sculptor keep the lights off now when he sculpts and after a few days or weeks or months, frankly we couldn't tell, the model eye's start to atrophy and she goes blind like him. She claims to love being blind because now she can experience touch the way her lover has all those years.

We told you it was silly.
But then it gets even sillier. They get bored with touching and kissing and screwing so much so they decide to start using other things to stimulate themselves. Things like bondage, and whips, and cutting one another. They really get into cutting one another and drinking each other's blood. Finally though they get weak from lack of food and from blood loss and they decide that they want to end their lives having experienced all that sexual bliss. So the model begs her man to cut off her arms and legs and he of course obliges her. He takes his own life after killing her and he collapses on her dead armless and legless body.

The dialogue in this film made us laugh out loud at times, especially when the artist says, "What good is money to a blind man like me?" Really? Do blind guys get free shit no one else knows about? Is that why he didn't need money? Another thing that made us laugh outloud was the fact that the artist was able to climb all over his sculptures to chase after the model but when his mother and the model were fighting he could barely get to the model in time to stop his incest wantin' momma from killing his would be girlfriend.
Our verdict is that if you want to see this crazy movie then go ahead but don't spend any money to do so, do like Dr. Monkey did and get it for free on your local cable's on demand channel. We will admit to like watching the lovely Mako Midori but she's the only thing worth watching this crazy flick for. Maybe we missed the symbolism in it or something but we doubt it. See it or not just don't buy it or rent it.So say us! So say we all!

2 comments: