Friday, July 27, 2007

Oh really?

I saw an article earlier on Yahoo! that I been dying to write about but then my super shittastic internet went down all day so I haven't been able to write about it until now. I'm not gonna link the article, instead I'm going to quote from it.

The aritcle was about, get this, and make sure your'e sitting down because if you're not then you'll fall over from laughter and then you'll get pissed at me, so sit, how renewable energy is not green and how bad it is going to be for the environment! Imagine that, renewable energy is going to be bad for our planet! Here from the article is it's central point: Building enough wind farms, damming adequate number of rivers and growing sufficient biomass to produce ample kilowatts to make a difference in meeting global energy demands would involve a huge invasion of nature, according to Jesse Ausubel, a researcher at the Rockefeller University in New York.

Wow. Who would have thought that burning all those fossil fuels that are causing our climate to change for the worse was actually so good in comparison to that damn wind, solar, and biomass power!

Stop laughing please, I mean it. Take a deep breath and let's go through this together.

Unless I miss my guess and I don't think I have because I have a degree in history, wasn't Rockefeller University founded by someone named Rockefeller? And wasn't the patriarch of the Rockefeller clan one John D. Rockefeller the late 19th and early 20th century robber baron who made his fortune in oil?

Along those same lines how does Yahoo! make their money? Advertising. Who advertises heavily on Yahoo!? Car manufacturers. Don't car manufacturers want us to keep burning fossil fuels like crazy? Aren't they and the oil companies behind the discrediting of the science behind climate change? Hell yes they are.

So there you have it. A "researcher" at Rockefeller University, a school founded/funded by the family who made it's fortune in oil, says that renewable energy is bad for the planet and Yahoo!, a company that makes millions from auto and truck manufacturers who advertise on their website put that article on the front of their web page which many people use as their homepage, which I must admit I also did until today.

How stupid do they think we are? How much "invaison of nature" do they think something like this would be?

Or this?

I have an idea. My idea is that every city, county, and state mandate that all new buildings, residential and commercial, have some form of electricity producing solar panel built on them. Also every big box retailer, like Wal-Mart, Target, Best Buy, Pet Smart, etc, should retro fit their buildings with energy producing solar panels or they must plant some kind of food producing garden on their roofs and that food must be given away for free to low income people. The energy producing solar panels must also be put on every hospital, church and synagogue, prison, and government building. It's insane that businesses, hospitals, churches, and schools are not already doing this.

Here's another crazy idea for you Jesse, how about instead of building dams that destroy natural habitat and eco systems, we build instead some of these ocean based turbines to generate power? Oh I know you're going to say, "That will kill the little fishies!" Actually, no it won't. We build a mesh curtain in around the turbines so only the very smallest marine organisms will be affected.

Another crazy idea is we put these wind turbines on the tops of the mountains we are currently blowing up so we can strip mine the coal beneath. And we also put them in places where wind blows like crazy, like say in the desolate areas of Oklahoma, which would be pretty much all of Oklahoma.

Then you know what Jesse dude? We could get the US Government to stop the ban on growing hemp. Maybe you did not know that hemp can be made into fuel, food, clothes, and many other products. Or maybe you did and since you work at a university founded and funded by people who made their money in oil you just want to forget that.

One final idea. How about we harness the hotness of Sheila E, Gong Li, Salma Hayek, Scar Jo, and the leads on Weeds and we use that to generate power for ourselves.

Heaven forbid we stop burning gas, coal, oil, and natural gas. Heaven forbid we actually stop listening to people who have been paid by the gas, oil, and automotive industries to write reports that claim renewable energy is not green and is bad for the planet.

Jesse and Yahoo!, you'll both forgive me if I don't believe your lies. You'll forgive me if I don't fall for your fossil fuels burning is good and renewable energy is bad crap. Honestly, are you people bucking for a position in the Bush administration? You both seem to have their backward bizarro thinking down pat.


DCup said...

You are so silly!

Please have some more high-fructose corn syrup kool-aid and be quiet, please.

Your insistence on reason and logic are so tiresome to the powers that be.

Freida Bee said...

Dr. Monkerstein, as my next VP, you have to understand that nuclear power is the next corrupt industry. In school last semester- I'm one of those annoying older students- I had to do pretty extensive research on types of energy that would reduce greenhouse gasses emissions quickest and most effectively. Lots of folks are saying nuclear power is our heavenly solution, but I disagree with calling it stable. I wish I had my debates after the recent leaking nuclear fuel in Japan. There are many good aspects to it, but that pesky waste just keeps on going. I don't like that. Solar panels take some toxic materials to make at this point, but I imagine that could get streamlined in more widespread production. That's long enough for now. F.B.

Freida Bee said...

Oh yea (double dip) I think you're onto something with the harnessing of Sheila e's hotness. I think if W's capacity for lying and denial could be put in a bottle, we could harness that energy for as many generations as terrorists are getting us back for Iraq.

FranIAm said...

Coming up next on The Sci-Fi Channel...

NATURE INVADERS! Watch as our evil counterparts, the Nature Invaders rape and pillage the earth with their solar panels and windmills. The forces of good will prevail over evil as more oil money changes hands and we seek carbon footprints bigger than Sasquatch's!

That is so f-ed man. I would love to find the money trail for Jesse Ausubel.

Jess Wundrun said...

What rankles my hankles is when they (the vague 'they') talk about ethanol. This is just a front for a very powerful ag lobby to get more corn into production.

If they wanted to use cornstalks to produce bio-fuel, fine. But ask the Mexican people how they feel about converting corn to fuel.

Anything that requires the high amounts of unnatural fertilizer and genetic frankenfutzing as corn is NOT sustainable.

My 2cents.

Bubs said...

Great commentary.