My Interview With Jim Gilmore

I was thinking about all the Gilmores in the world that I could have interviewed and I thought about the murderer and victim of capital punishment the late Gary Gilmore,
that hot brunette gal from the Gilmore Girls,
NBA great and Afro wearer Artis Gilmore,

that asshole Happy Gilmore,
privacy rights advocate and civil libertarian John Gilmore,
and Texas singer/songwriter legend Jimmy Dale Gilmore.

But which Gilmore did I end up having to interview?

Jug eared former Virginia Governor and current Republican candidate for President, Jim Gilmore. I must have some rotten ass luck or this is another in my series of interviews with the Republican Presidential pack. For a change all answers to my questions are actual quotes from Gilmore himself.

Dr. Monkerstein: When you woke up from your latest drug fueled booze soaked night with a passel of prostitutes in New York city what did you drink the next morning before getting on a plane back home?

Gov. Gilmore: “I'm here to tell you the coffee was hot, the orange juice was cold, New York's still there and Reagan National is back.”

Dr. M: Why is it that you want to throw Mexican immigrants into the ocean?
Gov. Gilmore: "They don't do very well in salt water."

Dr. M: Oooooookay. We hear that you wrote a play about yourself and that you want to produce it on Broadway as a way to get more well known. It's called The Three Faces of Jim. How's that plan looking for you now?

Gov. Gilmore: "I don't think it's promising."

Dr. M: We don't either. You don't strike us as the thespian type. My peeps on the street tell me that you are going to get a divorce from your wife, move in with a man, and then you two will try to get married. Do you think we could meet your soon to be male bride? And please tell us how you think life together will be for you and your man.Gov. Gilmore: "I don't think it's promising."

Dr. M: But you'll do it anyway? What will the people of this nation think? What will your Reich wing base say?

Gov. Gilmore: "Right now, the public doesn't have any ability to comment...."

Dr. M: Uh, yes they do. While this has been oh so much fun for me, I am getting tired of you. You smell of moonshine and flop sweat and if I spend one more minute in your presence I may have to gnaw my arm off for fun. My last question is this, the last time you went to the bathroom did you do number one or number two?

Dr. M: Oh ok. Well then, that's about it for me. I'm out of here have fun being the laughingstock of the Reich wing Republican pack.