Campaign News

My fellow Americans, I come before you this afternoon with a heavy heart and some bad news.

As all of you know I have decided to run for President only if Rep. Dennis Kucinich does not get nominated by his party. I reluctantly agreed to run for our nation's highest office if Rep. Kucinich would serve as my running mate.

At first he agreed to my proposal because he was willing to do anything in his power to make this country a better place for all Americans. However, he has since had a change of heart, and I do not blame him for doing so. Rep. Kucinich told me that after much soul searching that he did not want to put his lovely wife through more campaigning if he does not get the nomination.

He further told me that he could best serve this country and me, if I am elected, by staying in the House of representatives. What a selfless man he is! What a true patriot! He is willing to stay in the House and lead the fight to get my legislative initiatives passed when I am elected. I salute you Rep. Dennis Kucinich and I pray that you get the nomination and that I do not have to run.

So it is with a heavy heart that I accept his withdrawal and I hope that he enjoys spending more time getting to serve his constituent as often as she needs.

If I know Dennis like I think I do, then he'll be more than willing to take all the time he needs to make sure his constituent's needs are met time and time again!
So America, that leaves me without a running mate but fear not! My campaign manager Samurai Frog and I are holed up at el Casa de Monkey and we are interviewing a slew of potential candidates to be my running mate. Here are a few people we are scheduled to interview:
Denzel Washington

Kerry Washington

Chris Gregoire, Governor of the great state of Washington

Isaiah Washington

Miss Washington 2005
A skank who Sen. Vitter might have banged if he had not been in Washington

and Merle Haggard.

There may be others but we feel that this crop of candidates are pretty well qualified. You can expect our decision to be made public sometime this weekend. So hang in there America and fear not, the Monkerstein campaign is steaming forward and offering progressive workable solutions to this nations problems while other simian campaigns who shall remain nameless only offer scurrilous and scathing attacks on me and my campaign manager.

Thanks for your time and may the odds bless you.